This past week my family and I traveled to Ireland. We were fortunate to have the opportunity to support my son who is on the World Jr. USA Team for Para Sports. There was much to learn from this brief but intensely full trip to a beautiful Northern country. What I came to understand on this trip was our connection to others no matter how far away or how vast our family lineages run. Somewhere and some how we are all connected on a level that runs deeper than family. Although, I always knew this I never really experienced the depth of the impact of my ancestors and their lineage directly. I am half Irish and half Italian. My father, the Irish man and my mother, the Italian woman met in Queens, New York. It was there that courtship and marriage transpired. My grandparents were the first born in America and established themselves in this new world. It is remarkable that I am the 3rd generation in America. I am the second person in my family to receive a college degree and the only one to receive a masters degree.
There are stories, many stories, that were shared when I was younger. But none so dear to me than that of the history of my ancestors and my lineage. I was Italian by my mother’s side of the family, Sicilian. I was Irish and maybe a bit French according to my Father’s side. My mother’s family could trace their roots by name to Sicily and had a lineage of ancestors back in the homeland. On the other hand, my Father’s side of the family was a mystery. Nothing was known about where he came from. There were only stories of being 100% Irish and the idea of a bit of French in the mix. It was a joke in my family growing up. My dad took pride in being a little bit French and as though the French part redeemed himself for being Irish. As if being Irish was an embarrassment. I didn’t understand the insult of a heritage growing up but it always seemed to divide my mother and father. This became ever fluid and clear with my trip back to my homeland, Ireland.
This is not the first time that my son’s competitions would take me back to understand, investigate, and heal my lineage. It happened several years ago when I returned to New York City and Connecticut, my stomping grounds as a child. It was then that I would reface the pain and perils as a child of an alcoholic father, mother who died of cancer, and schizophrenic brother. This healing adventure is accounted for in my book, “Mother of Light”. This time the healing would be summoned by my ancestors and their homeland, Ireland. The healing would not be just for me but for everyone within my family and lineage and for all people involved.
I have a deep connection to Ireland, not known or understood before this trip. It is a depth of connection that goes beyond the people and the place. I could feel my connection that went as far as the working class of the country. My ancestors were not privileged and we did not have money. We worked tirelessly, were payed little, and often suffered diseases and lives of hardship. One may ask, how I would know this?
On our time off from watching my son compete in the World games we traveled and visited towns and castles along the countryside. As we entered these places I could intuitively sense the living arrangements. I felt a connection to the workers, farmers, maids, and laborers. As we drove across the country, I knew I had been here before and there was a strong familiarity of the people. Their sincere compassion and friendliness felt like home. Their honesty and desire to please was infectious and overflowing with love. I had an insatiable desire to know what it was like to live in the small homes that we saw and live upon the land in the outskirts away from towns. I was indeed in favor of this type of living rather than the city life. We stayed in a hotel within one of the cities in Ireland and every time we went on our excursions to the countryside I had a feeling of belonging overwhelm my body. This is how I knew and how I now know where my lineage comes from. I had a compelling drive to be with the people of the land and speak with them intrigued to find out more about their ways of living and history.
I also saw my eyes reflected back to me in the people. Their fair skin, pail eyes and rather light brown to reddish hair were strikingly similar to my father’s and his mother. The color of their skin was pasty and white as if it yearned to be in the sun but fearful of burning rather easily. I wondered if their eyes ever looked towards the sun. This was curiously explained to me by one of the natives who spoke with a chuckle in his voice, “Here in Ireland, it rains two months out of the year. The first month is about 5 months long and the second month is about another seven.” A joke of sorts they have in this land. If it is not raining, it is shore to happen at some point during the day or a very fine mist will definitely be in the air. The way they spoke, I embraced as well. Their poetic language so beautiful to the ears that echoed a gaelic language of laughter that sung in phrases of rhyme to the listener. They are quick witted about their style of speaking. A careful listener must take their time to tune into the tongue and the up and down frequencies in order not to miss a beat of their delectable voice of friendliness, smile, and laughter. They are this, purely friendly people always trying to accommodate and make sure everything was in order for a ‘fine day’ that you surely would be having. Correctly, true. It is as though their hearts sang a song of sunshine within which made up for the lack of sun that was shining outside upon them.
On the flip side there were also many days and lifetimes of lineages of suffering. The Irish ancestors were frequently in turmoil. They had been conquered over and over by the Vikings. Rampaged, burned, beaten, raped and families and towns torn apart all the way through the entire country. No end was spared from the ravenous beatings and killings that they endured. There were famines and multiple attempts to be conquered by the English. It was as though these selfless people would never receive peace over the years. Only recently has life calmed with a sense of honor and stability. I felt all of this. I felt it within my bones. I felt every hardship, rampage, and suffering that I read and learned about from the locals. I also embraced the suffering knowing that in order to overcome I had to embrace and go through the sensations I was feeling. I saw the problems with the force of Christianity on the Pagans and had memories of this within my cells and being. It helped me to connect more deeply with my beliefs about spirit and soul and the evolution of humanity through love and not any one religion. Many in Ireland were crushed and made to succumb to the ways of the Christians and Catholics when our true nature was that of Pagan ritual and philosophy. Being one with the elements, the four directions, Father sky and timeless ecology of the Mother still lives deeply within my heart and the hearts of my Irish ancestors. We were in love with this way of Be-ing.
So what did I do as I explored Ireland and learned of my beautifully sacred background that was full of turmoil? What did I do knowing the desire to recover and resolve to a new and lighter level of living lived within my heart? I made peace for all suffering. I forgave and I resolved for all of this. For my entire lineage and all of my ancestors that walked through all suffering on their own forever and ever for themselves. I felt the sensations of the loss and grief and heartache and then I softly and bravely forgave and resolved for all of it. I prayed, I spoke to my spirit and the wisdom of my soul and unveiled a richness within me that so desperately just wanted to let it all go but peacefully weed out the large roots that kept me quietly suffering for so long in many ways. What am I speaking of when I say suffering? Many of us are walking around with facets of our ancestors intertwined within our DNA. These facets, most of the time, are filled with karmic unresolved issues that are being played out time and time again within our day to day lives in all that we do. It happens with our everyday actions, relationships, careers, home, and family lives. How do I know this? Full experience within my own life and that as an intuitive who senses and knows all of this deep within my blood. The outlook of your ancestors that you are born into becomes yours as well. Anything unresolved becomes yours to handle. It has happened so many times and more than I count on my two hands and two feet. I know. So, I suggest that these things were just waiting to be unveiled as I traveled to Ireland and faced my energetic lineage in all space times and dimensions. They were waiting for me to help resolve and make peace for all of us which is exactly what I did.
As we traveled, as things came up within my emotional field, and as I could sense the chaos of many things that happened within history in Ireland I spoke to my highest self and resolved. I forgave the British, the English, the Catholics, the Christians, the Royals, the Hierarchies, those that were in charge, those in control and materially abundant as well. I forgave them all and all ill intentions that they had with the Irish. The ones that raped, burned villages, killed, crucified, starved, and beheaded many. For all of those that were stabbed or shot in the back, killed with arrows, swords, and burnings. For all of it. I forgave those who did this out of fear of dying themselves for not following their masters, kings and monarchies. I forgave for all starvation and all families that could not nourish and take care of each other in the ways that were needed due to the circumstances and due to the hardship they were facing. I forgave for all the children that did not receive what they needed in order to feel right and worthy and one with their true nature as divine beings and for all that they endured because of what their towns and families were going through. I asked for all of this to be taken care of, all of this to be released, transformed into love and to be filled back up with this transformational energy of love and freedom from all suffering.
And in this, as I did this, over and over again as every sensation entered my body I felt it all begin to release and transform truly within me. I felt myself shift over and over again into more fantastic stages and beings of me. Until, I was finally able to enter the version of me that was finally at peace with all of it. Truly at peace. This was a peace that I had not known yet despite all the peacefulness that had taken over myself over the years of the self healing that I had done. Here it was more of myself that was allowing to be healed and taken care of. What did I notice physically after all of this? A list of symptoms that had plagued me for ages suddenly began to clear up.
I had been plagued with digestive issues for years. I could not eat bread and had to live a gluten free and dairy free life. This was resolved. I had an urge to go out and eat luscious desserts at lovely restaurant run by locals that were so divine. I ate and relished every incredible bite with not a stitch of stomach upset. I ate cakes, scones, and delectable breads and with no avail, no distress and no oddities to my digestive system. I was free and flowing.
I felt at peace and as though everything was exactly as it should be in every way. All things were turning out exactly as they should. All abundance woes released, food issues subsided, and I came to peace with an all knowing that I am surrounded by exactly what is needed at any time and every time. Solutions and answers to perceived problems came about and questions that I had over recent difficulties within myself and my family were answered. Current issues were simply taken care of, resolved, and at rest.
What did I learn from this? I learned what I already knew just in a different way. We are all connected no matter what. My healing and resolving is your healing and resolving. What I did for myself extended to my family of the present, past, and future. I don’t know exactly the effects of everything that was taken care of but I do know that the best possible outcome is happening for all. And this was simply done in a beautiful sensation filled prayer of resolution for us all.
What I know now is experience and moment to moment being as everything. Nothing is impossible and everything can be undone and resolved. Simply everything. Learn to resolve within yourself so that the world before you shifts. When we attempt to control what is going on in the outside we attempt to bind our wings that just want to fly. We fly by sensing and being with what is and what is within. When I resolve within me I recognize it has nothing to do with the outside and everything to do with the inside of unresolved. And so it is and finally becomes the recognition of everything, the I AM.
My father’s Irish lineage was resolved and I finally became a part of a piece of my ancestors that was always within me and waiting to be heard. I saw them clearly for the first time face to face. I listened to the woes of a lineage that wanted to be heard and finally answered the prayers through resolution and healing. I became one.
And my beautiful son, born with a disability, brought home 4 bronze medals for the USA in 4 out of 5 events. Truly a miracle on all levels. And truly worth living for.
I’ll never forget you Ireland and I appreciate all that you represent and live for everyday in every way.
Please and Thank you…Amen.