“Don’t get me flowers for Mother’s Day…or I will be pissed.”

“Do me a favor…Don’t get me flowers under any circumstances or I will be pissed.”

I sent this text to my husband the other day.  I was referring to Mother’s Day.  The holiday that creeps around every year like the rest of them, you know…Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparent’s day, etc.  This day has always been a sense of soreness for me.  Until I decided to stop hiding my feelings about what this day truly means, at least for me.  I have hid my feelings for a rather long time.  I mean, how could I not when we live in a society where we are taught to contain, hold back, shushed, and looked at as ‘bad’ if we are too loud, exuberant or colorful to say the least.  I have a neighbor, who’s son went to school dressed in the most amazing and beautiful colored costumes on all the fun holidays.  He was eccentric and encouraged to be so by his parents.  They wanted him to express himself and be free to be himself.  It was deemed as ‘cute’ when he was younger in elementary school.  But then when he moved onto middle school he began to be categorized and slandered for his harmless expression of himself.  It made me sick to think that as children bullied him for being himself the faculty supported this notion by telling the mom one day, “Well, if he is going to be ‘that way’ he as to be able to take the comments that other’s say to him.  I mean, he is different, and if he wants to be different, he must be able to ‘take’ the comments of other children.”  This was an administration member of the local middle school explaining this to the mom of the boy who had gone to school wildly dressed that day in celebration of yet another holiday and received slandering comments from the children.  The mom found out about this, and like many mothers, called the school to inform them of what had happened. 

Humph.  I think to myself.  “If he wants to be different, he must be able to ‘take’ the comments of other children.”  We actually believe this stuff!?  We actually still believe in our 2020 society that if we want to be different we have to be able to secretly ‘take’ the rolling eyes, the whispers of slander, and the note passing that goes on day to day in our schools today.  Bullying is no longer out right hitting and destroying your personal items.  No, it has become a secret society that hides out of their own fears and desperations and jealousies of wanting to be different but never being able to take the plunge out of fear of being caught or unaccepted by the rest of society.  We have accepted this as the new normal.  It’s heart breaking.  Some of you may shake your heads in denial that this is not what is still going on today.  But I encourage you to talk to your kids.  I mean, really talk to your kids. Spend time with them asking them deep questions.  Not the surface kinds that ask… “How was school today” when they walk in the door which offers virtually nothing but a ‘fine’ before they scatter off to their rooms.  No, find the time on a walk, while they sit on the couch, or that off beat time that isn’t plannable.  I encourage you to take the moments that present themselves to you in any varying ways and dig deep with questions such as, “Tell me about what it’s like to be at school during the day.”  “Tell me how it is when you want to talk to a friend or join in on a conversation, but it may feel awkward or uninviting.”  “What does it feel like to have to raise your hand in class or to be called on by the teacher unexpectedly.”  “Has that ever happened to you?  Has this happened to anyone else?  What was it like?” 

I encourage you to ask deep questions that encourage conversation about things that they know are happening but don’t know how to tell anyone.  Because I promise you that one of these questions will open the door to a knowing within them that wants to be expressed but they don’t know how to do that because most of us truly just don’t want to know anyway.  When we find out… I promise you will be surprised at what really goes on, still. 

So, I sent this text to my husband because I really did NOT want anything for Mother’s Day.  Not because I was boycotting the day all together but because I had, had enough of the celebratory ‘feel’ of a day that means nothing to me.  Now, I am sharing my perspective.  I am not trying to change the world here.  What I am doing is sharing what is true for me… 

I never understood Mother’s Day.  I never understood this whole idea of celebrating something that clearly many of us just don’t know how to do anyway.  When I became a mother, it was like a raw slap in the face where the burn and red-handed mark lasted for days, months, and years.  It was as if someone painted this glorious picture of what motherhood should be like…it was a glorious land that when you arrived you would never turn away from it again.  You would want to stay here forever amongst that lush green landscape, carnival colored flowers just bursting everywhere you looked, birds flying, and rainbow covered sky.  It was anticipated as the best event of your life besides for marriage.  We had parties and showers to celebrate the incoming child that was going to light up our life.  We received gift after gift into this new magical land that would help us manage our new bundle of joy as we learned and carefully took on our new responsibilities of bathing, feeding and loving this incredible gift from God.  Oh, what we do to paint a Never Never Land that we will never want to return from. 

Me, I wanted to return.  When I got to Never Land… I wanted to march right out of there and run the other way.  No!  This is not what I paid for….I want my ticket back!  It wasn’t because I didn’t love my child….I did…I actually never felt a love for someone like I felt when my children were born.  It was that no one told me the real hard true facts of motherhood.  No one sat me down and told me that it was going to be one of the hardest things you will ever do and there is no way to do it right.  If someone said,

“Jennifer I have a ticket to another land that is more beautiful and amazing than any place you have ever been before.  You will go there and discover parts of yourself that you never knew existed.  Parts of yourself that will bring you joy and elation and parts of you that will bring desperation and depression.  If someone had told me it’s a transformative land and one that you will never return from the same again.  This is a land where the journey never ends and will never take you to a perceived destination.  You will constantly be learning, constantly growing, and it will feel awful, most of the time because you will never think that you are doing it right. The journey will go on forever in this new land and the lessons will be hard mostly because growing requires a lot of energy.  The truest most wonderful thing about this land is that you will never be the same and you will always be expected to do things that are outside your comfort zone.  You will have to be something that you are not ready to become.” 

 I would ask them, “Why would I pay for that?” and walk away. 

Yep, that was me at the time I had kids.  I had no clue what motherhood really was.  Nothing out there showed me that.  I had a mom that bucked out and died of cancer when I was 16.  Not because she was a victim of a disease but because life was just too hard.  This mom thing was a false idea that had been planted into her at an early age as well.  She embarked on the same journey and failed miserably.  Because she did not have the skills to rise above all the complications in her life.   

And then I had a representation in society that painted a picture of motherhood that seemed like the destination that I wanted to have.  You know, the “Leave it to Beaver” mom with the perfectly curled short hair, white shiny pearls around her neck, the freshly pressed dress that was starch white, and pointed heeled shoes she wore all day long! Ouch! She made being a mom look so wonderful!  Always cheerful, always knowing, always monotone with worldly advice for her young ones.  She was taken care of by her husband who would go to work everyday and provide a stable environment of trust and acceptance for the entire family.  I actually thought that that was FAMILY!  That I wanted that!  I wanted to fit into a mold that was what society painted it be… a fantastical fantasy life that was so far from what is true and reverent to life that we have felt like that we can never be or live up to this standard because this standard is impossible!

Sadly, I had no idea.  No idea.  I grew up in a dauntingly chaotic household where the police coming to my house once a week to break up a raging fight by my mother and father and brother made just way too much noise for the neighbors.  Thankfully, their calls, and my dad being taken away by the police actually gave us peace week in and week out.  I remember trying to get our dog, Corky, to go out and distract them because I wanted them desperately to stop fighting.  I tried myself, but I was relentlessly pushed away and sent to my room with a single handed push like I was a pebble shot away by an index finger across the room while they continued their brawl. 

But, I wanted this… a normal family.  I had no idea what normal was. 

Fast forward many years later… I have three kids and an amazing husband who loves me.  Loves me so much that I can say to him… “Don’t get me flowers or I’ll be pissed.”  Why would I say such a thing?  Because I am tired of falling into the Mother’s Day trap.  Where kids and husbands feel pressured to do something nice for their mothers without for a second asking themselves why do they actually do this?  I’ll never forget my husband coming to me year after year telling me, “Mother’s Day is this weekend and if you are going to the store can you pick up some cards for my mom?”  Amazing that he would think of this on Wednesday and then we would have to Fed Ex Mother’s Day cards to his mom to get there by Saturday. Again. Year after year. Why?  Because if his mom did not receive something that showed that her boy cared she would be forever hurt and just hurt enough that his dad would call to tell him so.  Oh, the pressure.

The pressure to do something just because it was expected.  This to me just does not make any sense.  I loved the little hand made gifts that my children used to give me when they were in elementary school and the teacher would spend the time to help each child create something for mother’s day and the child would run home eager to just give mom their gift without the understanding they have to wait until Sunday.  I loved that!  No pressure and no expectation…they just wanted to celebrate mom no matter what day it was.  I did this too. 

As they got older, the pressure to perform remained the same but the intensity just unconsciously elevated itself because now they were expected to come up with something on their own.  Even if someone went our and hand picked a card for them so that they would have to write a note to mom or grandma without understanding why they were being forced to do this in the first place. 

I can imagine what may be going on in my kids minds today if they were to actually write what they really are thinking, “Thanks mom for birthing me.  Although you didn’t have to do it, you did it anyway.  Thanks for everything you do for me even though I can’t recall what that was… oh yay, driving me to practice and such.  Oh, and have a good day.”

 They’d ask themselves afterward… “Did I do that right?  Do I pass the test? Gosh, I hope what I wrote is ok.”

Yep…that’s it… they really don’t get it… and either do I. 

So I put a stop to it…for me anyway.  I have officially boycotted Mother’s Day.  Not because I am angry…ok well, maybe I am mildly annoyed with the whole thing. 

Like, the holiday was invented in the later 1850’s not because someone decided to invent a day to celebrate Mothers, not as a day to celebrate one’s own mother, but as days of service to help out other mothers who were less fortunate band together to help teach them hygiene practices to take care for their children and keep them from getting sick.  This was a ‘work day of days’ for mothers to help other mothers. A Mother’s Day Work Club, none the less. (TIME Mag. The Surprising Sad Origins of Mother’s Day, https://time.com/4771354/mothers-day-history-origins/ )

Or that the Mother’s Day theme of staying home with your children was really emphasized as a last stitched effort to push back on the 20th century Women’s movement that wanted to get out into the world to work and make a living. 

So, for me, Mother’s Day is a choice.  Do I really want to celebrate Mother’s Day?  No.  Because we already are who we are either by conscious or unconscious choices that we have made in our life.  Mother’s Day has become the largest grossing holiday next to Christmas.  Why?  An effort to sensationalize something that just isn’t true.  We are not meant to be the version of ourselves that is painted in all those commercials.  I won’t even get into the religious version of mother hood.  That just opens a whole other can of worms that can’t even be discussed in this short essay. (Oh! And I can hear the back lash now!)

I will say this… I do celebrate mothers who realize they have become the most truest and most deepest part of themselves not because of anything that they have seen or heard on tv, Instagram, or Facebook, BUT in spite of it.  

So on mother’s day…I have decided instead to remind my kids of this… to courageously be the most truest and deepest part of themselves as much as possible… and then maybe I will have consciously come upon the true meaning of being a mother. For Mother’s Day I instead wrote them this…

Dear Ethan, Aiden, and Nora,

You have heard me say that I don’t want cards, flowers, or gifts for Mother’s Day.  Actually, you heard me tell dad that I would be pissed if you or anyone else did this for me today.  You may be wondering, Why?  Well…I thought about it and decided I wanted you to know this…Mother’s Day is a celebration of women coming together to celebrate the enormous process of raising children.  Yes you.  I would never trade this choice in for anything else…although as you know I sure do act like I don’t want to be a mother at times.  I don’t want you to learn through an expectation that sets you up for buying me something or making me something on a day that we are supposed to celebrate just because everyone else is doing it.  You know our family is not typical which is what we need to celebrate and what we need to learn to do more of as much as possible.  I don’t ever want anything from the three of you.  Not because I am a martyr or a victim.  No.  Because I want you to know the truest part of being a mother.  It is not the gifts or the cards or the flowers.  It was a choice that I made a long time ago to be and do something that has brought me to a life with you today.  TOGETHER we have created something beautiful.  I did not do this alone. WE have created a family that I never had.  WE have created a place in my heart that grows enormously with each passing year and all the wins and losses that come out of it as WE work together to make something of this world that can be anything that WE want it to be. 

Which brings me to my next point…. I don’t want you to buy me or make anything for me because I already know that you appreciate me.  I know this because you get upset when I don’t do the normal things, like wake you up in the morning when I get too busy.  When I don’t have time to make dinner, you miss it.  When I don’t have time to do the laundry, you wonder where are my clean clothes?  You miss the normalcy that you were used to.  I see that.  I see how you value and appreciate through the losses you endure as we all shift and grow and create new states of normal within our family.  I will always be your mother but I never want you to ever think that you should be like me.  Not for a minute.  I want you to be anything but me.  In fact, I want to encourage you to do nothing like I did and marry no one like me if you even choose to get married.  I want you to do so many things in your life that if you take your whole life figuring our what you want to do when you grow up that I will know that I did my job to the truest that I could have ever done.  I want you to be thinking so outside the normal that you look at others and wonder why they do things the same way that they do all the time.  I want you to wonder about everything.  And above all else… be yourself.  I want you to be so outside of yourself that through you being the version of you that is so insanely different from me that you inspire me to be more of myself.  I want you to not follow the same path as everyone else… I want you to bulldoze your own path.  That takes effort, responsibility, and a desire to create an abnormal life.  I want you to know I love abnormal and god knows you know that I love it when we ask, “Why the Fuck do we always do this, this way?” and then we don’t.  Because we have figured out that its not the path we want to take.  I want you to never be like me or anyone else.  I want you to turn away form the normal that you see on Facebook, Instagram, snap chat and certainly at school.  And I want you to buck the norm.  I want you to investigate, inquire, retreat, and come out always pushing the normal box over.  I want you to be everything like you.  And then I want you to teach me to be more of myself by you doing what abnormal does.  Nothing like anyone else. 

I know this may seem puzzling right now.  And this may not make sense… but do me one favor… on mother’s day… lets make this a day that we begin to celebrate what it means to be so sure of yourself that you don’t need anyone to give you anything and you don’t need someone to do something nice for you that is expected.  Let this be a reminder that you are to do three things in life…

  1. Question everything
  2. Feel everything
  3. Follow nothing

*Question why you are doing what you are doing in every moment.  Always know what is true and right for you. 

*Feel what is happening in every moment.  Always know what is true and what is right for you.

*Resolve to follow nothing because you are always being what is true and right for you. 

If you can follow these three things for the rest of your life, then I know that as a mom I have received all that I have ever wanted.  Three seeds that I helped plant in this world to grow into the versions of themselves that touches the truest and brightest and deepest versions of themselves and this planet. 

Lastly, embody your own knowing that nothing out there can ever fill you in here.  (Your heart) Especially not me.  Learn to fill yourself up in here so that you can spill out into the world out there in a way that is completely who you already are…you. 

Then I will know that I succeeded at doing my job that this world says that Mother’s do on Mother’s Day…Nothing…Because you realized you are already everything and needed nothing from me to get there.

And you know what… I really don’t want flowers because then that would be taking form the greatest mother of us all, Earth.  And she really needs them right now, more than me.  Maybe that is what they meant by mothers helping mothers on Mother’s Work Day.   

Love you more and less motherly every day,


I was just 17…

I was just 17.

I went for a walk this morning with my dog Larkin like I always do, at least 3-4 times a day now, since we have been confined to our homes for over a month. I was feeling very lethargic and like I just did not want to be outside, but I went anyway.  

I had been wondering for several weeks now how can I help in a situation like this? This was on my mind on this morning. I continued, walking down the street checking out all the cracks in the sidewalk like I usually do. I saw the curvature on the one block that I have seen probably 100 times by now from the tree that was dug out a while ago never to return. I saw the same muddy spots, buildings on the side, and rocks in the road. I tend to look down a lot because of Larkin. I am usually talking to her or trying to steer her in the most opportune places for her to go in case she decides to relieve herself. So, I tend to notice the cracks in the sidewalk alot. As I was crossing the street feeling my malaise coursing through my body and noticing how foggy it was outside which only added to my discontent, I came upon a spillage of shiny pennies laying in the middle of the street. I was in awe of the number of pennies and quickly became excited to say the least. Wow, I thought to myself, this must be a gift because all of a sudden, I started to feel a little bit better gazing upon the shiny pennies in the street. You know I felt like it was a sign.  Like it was my ancestors talking to me.  I felt as though my mom was right there.   She has been gone for 30 years now and I feel like it was just yesterday that she left.  Now since we are all in this quarantine period, I have no distractions, I have nothing to take my attention from a deep darkness that still resides within me.  I am no longer attached to anyone or anything that will distract me from the current moment. Meaning, I have no phone calls or text messages coming from my kids or clients, I have no appointments to get to, I have no requirements or requests for errands to run, and I have nothing pressing that needs to get done which would distract me from what’s truly going on within me.

So, there I was, walking Larkin, stopped in the middle of a street and lingering above the shiny copper pennies that laid in the road feeling this subtle excitement like a piece of me was waking up as I came upon my new treasure.  I cannot explain it, but I had the urge to bend down in the middle of the busy road with Larkin attached to me and reach for all the pennies and scoop them up one by one.  So, with each of my 3 fingers on my right hand I picked up each individual penny and placed them in my left hand while carefully making sure I held on to Larkin’s leash. Of course, I was worried that somebody would make a turn on to the street and not see me crouched down or Larkin because of the dense fog, so I did this as quickly as I could in order to make sure we frankly didn’t get hit by a car. As I pick them up, I thought to myself, I wonder how many pennies are in my hand and as I counted them, I notice there were 17.  17 pennies in my hand.  What is this message? I began to think, wondering if there could be a connection. I crossed the road and continued to walk on with 17 pennies in my left-hand and Larkin in my right. I thought, I wonder what does 17 mean to me? I also wondered what am I going to do with 17 shiny copper pennies? Clearly there was no need for me to keep 17 pennies so as I contemplated what the number meant and continued to walk on, I decided that I would scatter these pennies with kindness on my usual route.  As I walked on, I began noticing many things within myself.  I felt unsettled, angry, fearful and tired. Even though these 17 pennies made me feel a little bit better I still felt all of this within my body. It was showing up as sensations of just general tiredness. An unexplained desire to just go back to bed. But I kept on, I kept walking, I kept walking Larkin, and I decided to drop every one of my pennies along my route dispersing them in different areas hoping that the next people that would come along would find joy in finding their new lucky penny.

I began to imagine the little kid on the sidewalk picking up a shiny piece of luck, pressing it in his pocket, and putting a smile on his face. I saw the woman walking along just like me and finding a penny and she too would know it carried a reminder for her to remember.   

Then I remembered what was happening when I was 17. I had just finished my junior year of high school my mom had just died from cancer, my brother had entered a mental institution for a schizophrenic break that he had while attending Ivy League, and my Dad had avoided all contact with me due to his own struggles with alcohol.  I was living with a family who loved me dearly but felt very uneasy and displaced. I was around people but felt all alone. I was a teenager without the skills or the understanding that what I was going through was valid and completely justified. It was an exceedingly difficult time for me. I had a place to live but felt homeless. I had people who loved me but felt abandoned. I had people that encouraged me to go on but felt very discouraged. All the feelings of insecurity, remorse abandonment, unworthiness, and depression came rushing back during this one walk that I had been on by now over 100 times. Right then and right there I was 17 again feeling and sensing the tightness in my throat, the leakage in my eyes, and the stuffiness within my nose. As I kept walking, I kept releasing. I was releasing years of anger and anguish and self-doubt and unworthiness and sadness over a time in my life when the world felt like a very unsafe place to be. I didn’t care if people saw the tears in my eyes or witnessed a passing woman’s anguish in the city streets.  I finally felt justified and the pennies helped.  With each penny that I dropped, I had positive feelings of new life, new sensations, and new smiles and laughter. It was as if I was releasing sadness that had still remained with an understanding resolve for the positive vibes that eventually return with every penny that I dropped. With every tear that I shed it felt difficult and good at the same time.

I share this with you just to share a piece of me and my history.  I share the possibility that maybe there is a piece of all of us that is going through all of this a little differently because we all have different backgrounds, different histories, different perspectives ourselves.  WE never know what filters may be on our lens of reality maybe making our true vision a little harder to truly see with the eyes that we originally had before all of this took place.  I share the possibility that this time that we are all going through together is more than just a time to carry on and get through until things get back to normal. To me, in my perspective, it feels like a time when everything is permanently changing. Normal will not be the same.   It never is when you go through something like this and especially when we collectively go through something like this. It changes us in a way that cannot be explained with words but can only be sensed within our bodies, our hearts. I know that with every unresolved memory that comes up for me during this time I learn to resolve and release them because I have done this all many times before. I’ve lived through a lot of crisis more than I can put in words in this essay. What I do want to offer is encouragement, understanding, peace, love, compassion and kindness for everyone going through hardship for everyone missing out on something for everyone having a tough time.  I get it.  I may not fully understand what you’re going through, I never will.   I do understand that this can be a particularly hard time for many in so many different ways I just want you to know I hear you I understand and I’m here for you with what I can offer… a friendship, a possible understanding, and the possibility that maybe I can help. So here’s what I’d like to offer…

I would like to offer a donation based Intuitive Clearing Session to anyone who would like to energetically work on any issue having to do with emotional pain, sadness, stress, anxiety, fear or trauma.  I have training ranging from reiki mastership to craniosacral therapy to ancestral clearing with John Newton to zen shiatsu.   I am an Occupational Therapist who has worked through much of my own trauma in many life experiences and with my own lineage and family.  I have numerous years of experience.  I enjoy working from teens to adults.  Just respond to this email and we can schedule our session.  All sessions are done over the phone or through a web format most comfortable for you. 

I would also like to offer the 28 Days of Conscious Intuitive Living again. I will be beginning this on Monday May 4th.  This is a 4-week program of intensive healing work that delivers audio recordings and email writeups to your inbox every morning.  This is a huge undertaking for me and one I am willing to share. I will be redoing this once again.  In order to honor those that have been a part of this program in the past the price will remain the same but two things will differ:

-1- If you choose to be a part of the program you receive an opportunity to be a part of it as many times as you like for the same amount. Also, if you have done this program before you are free to begin again for no charge.

-2- If it is too much to pay the full amount, contact me.  We will work out a way for you to get on the program that is good and right for your resources at this time.   

Lastly, I would like to offer a new class for everyone to be a part of… Meridians, Movement, Breath, and Forgiveness This will be an on-line class…with the interest I will offer classes to help release and resolve ancestor and lineage long held beliefs within the body in order to help with your own healing for today.  This will be donation based. 

I need to hear from you and your interest in any of the above.  I can only go on with any of these programs if the people come. 

My heart wants as many people as possible to receive. I honestly believe that everyone has their gifts their abilities in their own way to help our current situation. I would like to be a part of helping.   

Please contact me if you have any interest at all.  Let us connect… even if it is to chat. Thanks for listening thanks for actually reading this entire passage. It means a lot to me. 

Who knows, maybe you are feeling ‘17’ too. 



Sometimes we have to say goodbye…

I have a friend who never says goodbye to his adult children. They always end their visits with a ‘see you soon!’ When I heard this, I was immediately inspired. ‘What a great concept’, I thought. They have such a relationship that ending their departure is that much easier if they just begin to imagine their next visit together through, ‘see you soon’. This got me thinking…

When we begin to imagine ourselves differently and what we want to create in our lives we begin to energetically move towards our dream. No matter what. The universe will never deny our requests. It only seeks to be in alignment with us. And we have to be in alignment with what we wish to create.

Simply said, this father and daughter have created a way to continue their relationship and energetically create their next visit by purely ending their visits with, ‘see you soon’. They both are in alignment with what they want and as such, their next visit together is already being created. Their cords keep running back and forth from each other and they consciously and subconsciously are creating even though they may be miles apart.

It got me thinking further… how many of us pay attention to this small and yet profoundly simple process? How many of us know how powerful the word is and how powerful our thought processes are? How many of us spend that much time thinking about this. And then I thought, not many of us do think about this, and yet again I realized, that’s why I do think about these things.

It’s what I do. I always look at energy and decide how we are connecting or not connecting to what we want or what we think we need. How are we in alignment with what we want and what is happening on a day to day basis to get us there? I’m always pondering, how are my actions lining up with my goals and aspirations and what might I be doing or not doing to line up with what I believe I want?

Simply put, these two people know that it is hard to say goodbye, and they have agreed to keep their relationship connected while they are apart by three simple words, ‘see you soon’. Thus, they have created an energetic bond that keeps them in alignment with each other to create their next reunion. They even are energetically supporting and inspiring each other just through their common goal they both freely unite upon. It’s amazing how a simple agreement in alignment with both of their highest vibrations just never fails.

I know, I know… I’m thinking too much about this. But am I? Really, am I? Think about it… if we could all have these types of relationships where we could freely have conscious commitments with each other understanding our energy and our words are that powerful… could you imagine how empowered we would be? Could you possibly imagine how much powerful we would feel if we could be alignment with what we truly wanted all the time? In addition, if we had the tools and resources to support this? In essence we could be powerfully supported and lead guided and directed in all of our actions if we could just be alignment with what we truly wanted.

Simply, father and daughter, know they can’t be together all the time but know they don’t want to be apart either. So they have consciously decided to keep their relationship going energetically until their cords can pull them closer again physically.

Now how many of us know that we do this on a daily basis even with things that we don’t want? This brings me to my next thought… how many of us are unconsciously drawing to us what we don’t want until we can’t take it anymore and have to wake up to what we keep doing to ourselves?

I did that for a really loooooooong time and I still find myself doing that from time to time. These are called life lessons in many traditions. And I also like to see them as energy.

Maybe entertain the possibility that we all have lessons to learn but do we need to keep learning them from a lesser way through the lower vibrations of shame, resentment, defeat, struggle, and survival? Many of us keep repeating the same habits because we are caught in these energies of thought forms or cords that keep us bound to the difficult way of doing things. But why do we do this to ourselves?

Any number of reasons why… maybe we learned how to struggle or survive as a victim or martyr from our parents. Maybe we were taught to do this the hard way through authority figures and our communities. Maybe it was our religious beliefs or the rules and regulations that were put on us through our institutions. Maybe.

And if we don’t at least look at why we keep doing these things and feeling this way, we end up remaining where we are repeating the same scenarios in our life until we just either have to awaken or we slowly die trying. I prefer the awakening process.

Which always leads me to my next thought… how do I do this? How do I create something new without holding onto the old that is not working anymore? Well, to me, we just simply have to say, ‘goodbye’. Permanently. We have to believe we deserve the miracle of shifting the energy, that we do not need to suffer anymore, and we just have to allow the old ways to die. Some of us are really good at saying goodbye to old ways and some of us take a little more time. It’s just who we are. Some of us like to say ‘see you soon’ even though we should be saying ‘goodbye’ because we don’t know how to just let go, permanently.

And, that’s what I do. I like to permanently say ‘goodbye’ to things that no longer help me thrive and ‘see you soon’ to those that do. Which takes me to the next thought… how do we discern what to let go and what to hang on?

We just let go of everything… we become untethered and hold no expectation to something the way we think it should be and instead allow for life to unfold before us. Meaning we accept we control nothing and we open. In that unfolding we become the gems that have been waiting to shine.

But, like saying ‘goodbye’, we sometimes just don’t like this. We don’t like things to be different and we don’t like how it feels to shed the control and move into something new. There may be all sorts of reasons for this… old patterns and behaviors that are no longer working but we don’t know how move on and create new ones. These are the cords I spoke about earlier. These are the cords that are not serving us that we have to permanently release and resolve so they don’t keep showing up in new relationships that are just a repeat of the old patterns. How do we know this is happening? Well, it’s because we keep feeling the same no matter what we do to improve our lives… it’s just not working.

It’s like we are unconsciously saying, ‘see you soon’ to a bully that keeps showing up to traumatize us because we are attached to fear and lower forms of thinking. We’re not doing this on purpose… it’s just something we don’t really address on a daily basis and it is certainly not a part of anyone’s day to day dinner conversations. Or at least this is true for most people.

So what do I do when I come up with patterns that don’t serve me and I keep stumbling? I sit with it, I feel it in the body, I see what the story is that I have created around it, and I permanently say ‘goodbye’. I energetically forgive and release it and make sure it is dissolved and resolved.

This is self care of the highest form of love that says ‘goodbye’ to what is not serving our highest purpose and potential so we can achieve our own self mastery. Then we can fully show up for others and be there in a way that helps us all. Then we are no longer living off the dramas and the addictions of ourselves and others and we are fully showing up. This allows our lights to shine and we can become more, give more freely, and have more to refill and pass along to others.

And if your not sure how to say ‘goodbye’ or when to say ‘see you later’ and how to know the difference… that’s what I do. I coach you on how to discern the difference. Then on how to make your life show up differently in all areas.

From relationships to family, career to prosperity, health to spirit.

So next time your wondering ‘what is happening?’, ‘why do I keep doing this?’, or ‘how can I do this differently?’, think about either a simple one to one session or an entire coaching experience.

I do both.

And next time you are deciding between ‘see you soon’ and ‘goodbye’ reflect on your goals and intentions and tune into the power of your words and actions. You just might simply be able to discern and truly know for yourself what serves your highest self. And then you can consciously choose when to say ‘see you soon’ and when to permanently say ‘goodbye’.

I hope you enjoyed this blog… here are some up-coming events and links to my schedule and appointments.

A 6-12 week personal journey to remove unwanted behaviors and being in what you do want. Contact me today to inquire or set up a time to speak. The Sandwich Connection (healing & manifestation coaching program)
contact me directly. Reiki and healing sessions available at several locations and remote online
Single Healing & Coaching Sessions
Learn how to use energy to heal

Go Outside of Outside the Box

It’s that time of year. The days are darker, and yet more light is coming in. Time seems shorter and yet more is accomplished in a quicker time frame. Life is moving rapidly forward and yet cultivating stillness is of precedence.

How can we balance these polarities and help ourselves become all that we are meant to achieve through our highest purpose and potential? 

First, we must be where we are.  Observation, as if we are anthropologists, helps us become more of what we are and brings in a sense of ‘knowing’ of where we are going even if we are unsure of where that could be. 

How do we observe?  We become still during momentum.  We breathe focus during chaos.  We elevate by going within and disperse the darkness all around us. 

We become light. 

Every week is a journey to the center of YOU! Now through the end of February each week we are going further and learning more about our unique energy through Kundalini Yoga.

How?  Use this time to cultivate awareness within.  Allow the internal turmoil to surface and then witness what is happening.  As an observer of yourself.  Step outside of you and see what is happening within you.  Just observe.  Just breathe.  Just become. 

Still further… how do we do this?

Breath.  The breath can be the kingdom to the heaven you are seeking.  And like every great story, there is a journey which we all must take over to the other side.  Truly, the excitement comes from the actual journey and not the destination. 

The curiosity, the excitement, the dance, and the wonder comes from going where you have never gone before to experience a greater version of you, none of which you have yet to experience. 

And, how do we do this consciously?

How do we do this without the anxiety, without the fear and without the trepidation.

We breathe into the moment.  This one and the next and the next and the next.  We keep breathing…slowly, consciously, and ever so effortlessly allowing the breath to take us there. 

Master the breath and you master life. 

Master the breath and you tune into something bigger than you, unexplainable in words and only felt within the heart.

This is where your connection is.  Into the unknown fears that we must go through and out the other side into breath and consciousness. 

See yourself as a beautiful template just waiting to be unveiled.  You  may not know how to connect the dots or even draw the picture.  But first we must have some kind of vision within us. 

What do we want to look like, be like, have, and how do we correspond with the world. 

In this vision, who are we and what are we doing, having, and being.

Sometimes, a simple book can help guide our way. Order today on Amazon and begin your journey.

Get into it.  Become it.  Most importantly love this version of you, no matter what the outside circumstances appear to be.  We must see ourselves as such and then the experiences will be drawn to us.  And to match ourselves with this new vision we must match our vibration to this experience.  Hence, here is where the real ‘work’ begins.

We get to become the path to our destination.  Remember, its not about the destination… its about the journey to become that which we seek. 

Always hold yourself to the what you are creating and become the work at the same time.  Every experience, every moment is the work.  Essentially, this is your life work. 

In French, travail means ‘to work’.  And here is the secret… the work comes from the travel… the space between the starting point and the destination is the ultimate experience. 

Seek to see outside the box… and go even further than this.  Meaning, when we travel on our journey and we ‘travail’ to become more of ourselves we are always infiltrated with new environments, new skies, new sunshine, new buildings, new trees, new vehicles, new people.  Begin to tune into your field of awareness, outside of the physical…. Within the auric field of awareness, we sense and feel what is happening.  Tune in.  

This is ‘outside of outside the box’.  We are an elaborate container that vibrates outside of us just as strongly within us.  These atoms and molecules that make up our physical are all around us… and all we need to do is see what is out there to shift what is in here.  Ironically, our field of awareness outside of this container is what is within us.  And we can influence what is all around us by tuning in from within and all around our vibratory containers. 

Tune into the layers outside of you that we can’t see.  Tune into the you within you that can see outside of you and then you will become everything you are seeking to create. 

If you seem to be dealing with anxiety… instead of being the anxiety… and claiming this as the reason why you can’t get to your destination… make it the reason why you learn to accelerate your healing and become the anxiety, fully.

If you can’t make it to your destination because of financial issues… make it the reason why you go through the financial problems on purpose and become the absence of money to the other side of prosperity.

If you can’t get to your destination because of fatigue and depression.  Make it your journey to go through the depression and fatigue to learn everything you can about this in order to move through it to your new place of residence. 

Maybe what your parents passed on to you… all the negativity, all the fears, all the depression seemingly outside of you were exactly what was needed to bring forth the iridescent beauty already existing all around you.  Maybe all the troubles, insecurities and fears that have filled this life are your greatest purpose.  Our strength and agility is cultivated as we elevate above the clouds beyond the seemingly limited physical realm and into the etheric world of magical healings and transformations.  

Maybe all the frailties and failures have happened on purpose.  Just maybe.  This is true.

And then do this…

Activate and enhance the meridians of the body and transform all lower vibrations into light energy. This Friday in Grayslake.

And when you face all you are with the intention of becoming more than you have ever been before… something magical happens.  When you go through the darkness, as we go through the seasons of our life, we find what we have always known… it was always there waiting for us to discover we were greater than we ever could conceive within our own minds.  We are that which we were always imagining ourselves to be and even greater than this.   When we know the light, we become the light, and the light can only become brighter.  It never goes out, is diffused, or burns down to nothing.  If you are the light, only light can you be.  This is truth. 

When we realize this, grace becomes us.  Gratitude unfolds and illumination just happens.  A reverent appreciation for all that is… for everything… even the illusory darkness effortlessly dispels all around us.  Repeatedly, this limitless energy becomes overflowing.  As you become over filled with incomprehensible joy it spills from you onto others and they can’t help but literally ‘lighten’ up as well.

Being ‘outside of even outside the box’ is how we become.  Always in all ways. 





& Sat Nam,

Jennifer Lauren

Joti Tajdeep Kaur

If you are seeking help to overcome your physical, mental, or emotional limitations and you desire someone to be your guide I have several offerings to stimulate new awareness on many levels. 

From the brevity of simply moving the body and becoming the breath to the deeper work of self-transformation and transcending limitations through miraculous programs I will challenge you to go further and deeper than ever before.  We will stimulate and enhance the actions towards your dreams and destination.

You are a Tesla, Mustang, Ferrari, or Lamborghini.  You are a finely tuned instrument capable of tuning into your highest purpose and potential.  This much is true. 

Like a trip that you long to take to another country or another world we need the vehicles, the map, and the guide to get us there.  Let me be that for you.

Here are some offerings as soon as this week and continual offerings I have through out the year….  

Beginning this week, we root ourselves into the great Mother Earth as we plant the seeds for this year’s highest potential. Tuesday in Grayslake and Thursday in Libertyville.
Join me on a 6 or 12 week custom program to create your ultimate life. Inquire within and start your journey today.
Become a healer – Learn an ancient form of healing applicable to almost any occupation. Inquire with Jennifer today.
Define your intuition – Become Intuitive – Live inspired by your Spirit
Why not heal? Why not transcend all limitations. It’s time to live your best life. Why not?


Awakening can happen in many forms at many times in one’s life. Right now, there is a mass awakening happening across the globe. As you know, our lives have been filled with fears and insecurities for several years now. They seem to come in the form of illness, poverty, disease, and the crumbling of societies. As such, these are seemingly large-scale upheavals happening across the globe. They are real to many. Full of fear and full of sacrifice. This is true to this collective matrix in society. And I encourage you to look outside of the collective matrix. Simply, just go within. What happens when we don’t tune into what is happening out there. We begin to know ourselves within here. Within the heart. It is here that we come across the truth of who we are. Underneath all the layers on the surface is an internal knowing that there is a power so deeply ingrained within us that it has the power to heal the sick, feed the hungry, and bring prosperity to the land. It’s in there.

In every one of us. 

It’s there. 

Feel it.

It requires an awakening of the one and the second person to join them that really encourages new growth and prosperity on this land. 

We are not made to suffer.

We are not made to die.

We are not made to fall victim to anything in our lives.

All the answers are there… laying dormant in the heart and just waiting your awakening.

Take comfort now… in the mass awakening that is happening.  For in the depths of the darkness the brightest lights will shine. 

That’s what happened to me.  It was dark for so long.  There was a depth of unexplainable despair within that could not be seen or touched by the outside world and only deeply felt within the heart. 

Define your intuition

And what happens when we allow ourselves to feel such trepidation and fall fully into our own madness?  We learn of the sacred sanctity of the power we all have, to go within and evolve into something greater and more expanded than ever before. 

We become that which we are truly meant to be.  Limitless lights of consciousness perfectly designed to awaken to an energy that lay dormant in the depths of the darkness within us, when activated shoots up to our consciousness an illumination so bright that it has the capacity to heal nations. 

It’s happening.

The awakening will continue to take over this next year.  It will be amazing.  People are coming into their own personal power at proportions unlike any that has ever been seen yet.  

The question is… will you continue to allow your serpent to awaken?

The fiery depths of the sleeping spirit within you.  Will you allow the dragon to emerge into consciousness and awaken within you and all around you. 

All you must do is set your intentions to awaken and it will happen.

Thoughts rush in.

It all happens in personal sessions – book today
Single Healing & Coaching Sessions

Ideas happen.

Connections happen.

And the awakening returns. 

Understandings come in that are beyond comprehension.

It begins with a whisper, is felt with a nudge and explodes the silence with a volcano spirit meant to disrupt the unconscious and force consciousness to return to our societies. 

Our nations.

Our planet.

Pay attention, to what is happening to within you and listen to the call.

It’s here.  There is no more avoiding it.

We must face ourselves, look deeply within and allow our truth to emerge.  It’s the only way we bring heaven back to this planet. 

I can’t wait for you to join me.


I Believe…

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I believe there is another way.

I believe that our journeys do not need to be difficult or hard.

I believe that we do not need to suffer to gain knowledge and insight.

I believe we do not need to fight to make a change.

I believe that we do not need to make others see to get our way.

I believe that duality is an illusion.

I believe there is another way.

I believe we are here to dismantle the illusions that have covered up our hearts.

I believe that inner work is the way to shifting our outer world.

I believe that if everyone believed in themselves and loved themselves unconditionally, they would understand the presence of love within themselves, and this would orchestrate the world to shift to a new level of consciousness simply on its own.

I believe that dismantling the thoughts and beliefs within the “i” self is the only path that helps us understand the meaning of ‘know thyself’ and the path of the “I Am”.

I believe that love in the all-knowing and encompassing peaceful sense of the word is the power that is ultimately connected and will handle it all.

I believe that miracles come from within and then inspire and enlighten a new path of light within the consciousness of groups and societies.

I believe that love is a majorly misunderstood vibration that we have never allowed ourselves to sense, know, and fully embody its true unlimited power.

I believe in unlimited thought, imagination, creativity, joy, and ideas that elevate and enhance our well-being in masterful ways incomprehensible to the mind.

I believe if we continue our own individual paths of self-healing, we will collectively influence the healing of our world.

I believe that you as the individual are that powerful.

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And yes, I believe in LOVE. Not in the sense that creates a soft and rather nurturing place to fall or stay. Yes, that is part of it… But I truly believe that love knows NO BOUNDARIES and when we feel limits within us, it is truly a calling to elevate, enlighten, and lift ourselves from the illusions. This may take work at overcoming the fears associated with the illusion and yet again, the belief that it is going to be difficult is an illusion itself.

I believe in love.

I believe in love so powerful it has the power to walk through villages and towns to create health and relieve sickness and pain just by its mere presence.

I believe in love and its ability to hold strong in the face of adversity by its own peaceful power that is reverent, fully connected, and ONE with something greater than we could ever imagine ourselves.

I believe in love that is the oceans, a love that is the mountains, the trees, the land, the beings, and the spirits that walk this earth. It is the love that is within each of us.

I believe when we surrender to this knowing, we surrender to something capable of everything and thereby dismantling the illusions all at once.

I believe in love.

I believe when we come together to be the light, we spread wisdom only felt intuitively within the heart. This inspires us to be different, inspires us to rethink different, inspires us to want differences and, in this beautiful tapestry of difference we are creating, we will remember that it all began from going within. Just like it did when we first came here as a baby. WE SOAKED IT ALL UP IN ANTICIPATION OF AN INCREDIBLE MAGICAL WORLD.




Remember… Awakening happens in many forms at many times in one’s life. 

In every one of us. 

It’s there. 

Feel it.

We are not made to suffer.

We are not made to die.

We are not made to fall victim to anything in our lives.

All the answers are there… laying dormant in the heart and just waiting your awakening.

Take comfort now… in the mass awakening that is happening.  For in the depths of the darkness the brightest lights will shine. 

We become that which we are truly meant to be.  Limitless lights of consciousness perfectly designed to awaken to an energy that lay dormant in the depths of the darkness within us, when activated shoots up to our consciousness an illumination so bright that it has the capacity to heal nations. 

The question is… will you continue to allow your serpent to awaken?

I can’t wait for you to join me.

All my love and all the light you can handle

Sat Nam



Jennifer Lauren

Joti Tajdeep Kaur

In the Shadows is Where the Light Shines

We are now in the point of light consciousness where it is pivotal to go within.  If you are striving towards something you want to bring into your life or wondering how to shift your current state of awareness… NOW is a pivotal time to be focused on just that. 

As we transition from the winter solstice… going from the darkest point of the year, coming into a new moon (the darkest sky of the month), and beginning the sacred wise and transformative season of miracles.  Thus, it is imperative we decide what we want to bring into our lives.  Reading this means you are full of awareness.  Thus, it is time to begin the planning and manifesting of your next transformation into spring.

A guide to Transcending Limitations
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We have an enormous opportunity for change in a positive and light filled direction if we can recognize our ability to shift.  We are doing it, consciously & unconsciously all the time.  Unfortunately, most of us are reacting to what is showing up around us instead of going within, shifting from the inside and then the world bends and shifts to our conscious, heart filled, integral desires. 

This requires commitment to a practice, conscious understanding we are connected to something bigger than us, and confidently pursuing in the direction of our heartfelt dreams…no matter what.  ‘No matter what’ is where the work for us comes in.  We must be willing to shift.  We must be willing to resolve and release for all past karma we have created in order to welcome in our desired destiny.  It’s only requirement is the contemplative desire, clear vision, conscious commitment, and connected knowing. Then we create our world, no matter what comes up for us. 

In the shadows is where the light shines.

In the shadows of all are doubts, angst, procrastination, hurts, wrongs, failures, and short comings is where the diamonds emerge. 

When we gloss over, accept the breadcrumbs as ‘good enough’, or can not even imagine how to shift we are faced with an overbearing OPPORTUNITY.  This is the golden moment our soul is calling for us to go deeper.  NOT TO GIVE UP. 

Digging up the rocks and tilling the fields can be hard work if we do it alone.  When we learn of a process that makes it obtainable to grow crops an easier way… we become the way. 

Our internal seeds know what needs to be done.  Our external world may seem limited.  And that is exactly the illusion we are faced with dismantling.

We all have a soul purpose and a spirit’s joy.  Let’s uncover this together.

We all have the light that shines from within illuminating the darkest of times.  Let’s unify with the all-encompassing sun.

We all have the eye of truth living within us.  Let’s discover the lasting relationship with this internal wisdom.

I invite humanity to rediscover the version of light that is truly illuminating right now.  Not the version we are told exists and only the version that is experienced and sensed and known by the very experiences of awakening to the eternal powers lay dormant in us all.

Meaning, there is a version of our reality that is already healthy, spiritually connected, prosperous, illuminated, unified, and one. 

We can heal and create career visions and dreams.  We can heal and create financial prosperity and illuminated abundance.  We can heal and create healthy body and mind.  We can heal and create spiritual connection and oneness.  We can heal and create outstanding relationships. We can heal and create unified families. We can heal and create a personal reconciliation with thyself. 

It is all possible.  It all happens.  It all will shift in this now moment.  If we begin now. 

I encourage you to allow shifts to happen, allow yourself to create new possibilities, and allow oneness to seep into your blood stream. 

Here are some tips I use to create my life. 

Every year I rewrite my mission statement.  My life mission statement envisions my illuminated self in alignment with my highest purpose and potential.  This encompasses all aspects of my life from career and purpose to family and relationships, to health and spirit.

I then redesign my long-term goals in succinct ways and supported by monthly markers that will produce attainment of my goals. 

Daily, I create short attainable actions steps to achieve my monthly markers.

Gratitude and recognition of the universe is working for me is a part of this practice.

I consistently work to heal, resolve, and transcend the parts of me that are not aligning with my purpose.

I have a daily ritual of mediation and connection. I speak with my guides daily and receive my next steps towards working with the highest possibility for myself and all those surrounding me. 

I am resolved to always function from the heart with the highest integrity for myself and everyone around me.  It requires work but the rewards and reduction in karmic relations keeping me from obtaining and becoming lighter are electric. 

It takes work, strategy, commitment, confidence, and complete clarity.

I encourage you to create your own and include rituals in the process… of this unfolding. 

If you need help and want to know more about a process that could work, my Sandwich Connection program is available. 

Sandwich Heartmind Groups will be forming in the beginning of the year for current and past participants.  These will help to further along our practice and create the miracles we are seeking. 

Access information here…  or contact me directly by text or call.

As for now, recognize we all have a clean canvas with the ability to create the life of our design.  Sometimes, we just need a little help from our friends. 

Have a beautiful and light filled entrance into all the light you can handle.

Bring in opportunities to Transcend Limitations in all aspects of life.   

Between now and April light is pouring in.  Harness the opportunity. 

With love & all the light you can handle.


Sat Nam,

Blessings & Miracles,

Jennifer Lauren

Joti Tajdeep Kaur

Be a part of the transformation, sign up here
Every Tuesday & Thursday Beginning January 3rd Grayslake / Libertyville

Grayslake Tuesdays

Libertyville Thursdays

It begins with a whisper calling your heart to listen to your natural intuition… Learn How

The miracle happens when 1 person shifts & the 2nd person decides to join them…

I’ll never forget when I began my healing journey. I felt so alone for all those years. Like I was floating on this deserted island waiting for someone to recognize what was happening and begin to see things from my perspective. I had so many questions. “Why is it I’m the only one who believes there is another way?” “Why do I feel like everyone is asleep and I am the crazy one who sees what is really going on?” “Am I crazy? Or is everyone else just numb?”

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I began to think we were living in a world of institutionalized slavery. One person after another was being programmed into believing healing only happened through medicine and that the ceilings that were available to them was all we could expect and all that we deserved. I speak about this repeatedly in my book, “Transcending Limitations” but more importantly breaking through a matrix of codependent societal behaviors was the secret to my success.

If you are wondering how to shift your life and what to do next at your current crossroads or if you know someone who is standing at the doorway of choices wondering what to do next perhaps contemplate this point of reference when you come to the end of the road you have always known and traveled upon.

Sometimes failure and falling down again can be exactly what we need to live our greatest life… here is something that may help inspire you or someone you know…

Learning to fly…

You must become completely related to what you want in your life.

You must feel the sensations and the knowing’s that live in your heart. 

Many of us walk around as if the weight of the world is on our shoulders.  Unconsciously stuck in a pattern or repertoire of the things that we don’t want. 

How do we become something other than what is happening all around us.  Let go of what you know. Let go of the mind and only live through the heart.

We can not create what we want by referencing what is currently happening. 

We must intuitively live.

We must keenly taste.

We must passionately feel.

Let the light shine through.  No matter what.

You might have the weight of two worlds on your shoulders…. Get related to it… let it crack you… let it open you to desperation.  Let yourself fall into the abyss of imperfection.  Then watch… just be… stay in the naad of what is happening.  Set yourself feel.

Feel it all.  The doubts, the fears, the angst, the heartache, the yuck, the imperfection, the everything. 

Its darkness… and in the darkness… only light can shine. 

In the darkness… only light prevails. 

We must be nothing like we were in the past.  Awareness never allows anything to stay and always allows change to happen.  No matter what.

Awareness that this is happening combined with allowing ourselves to fall and feel again breaks us open to freedom. 

No matter what.

What are you afraid of?

What is aching within your heart?

What do you want and why is it not showing up?  Why are you stuck…. Why are you caged… why do you remain where you are? 

Its right there inside you. Put your attention on it…. Feel it… get related to it… and let it scream.  Let it tantrum. Let it feel. Let it feed your body with all the things you are afraid of.  Let yourself die. 

When you allow your heart to break… when you allow it to fall into the shadow… something brilliant is allowed to happen… it becomes reborn… AGAIN.

It falls apart… it breaks… it scatters… it hurts…. Oh, and it hurts so much.  It longs for things to be different.  And that is beautiful. 

We want that… we want to feel it all.

When we truly feel we finally see the charismatic ache within the heart with gentle eyes smiling at you to just let go.

Then we get to pick up the pieces again.  And put it back together better than anything we could have ever expected it to be with our minds.  And only fully longed for and felt for with our hearts. 

Its greater, than anything you can ever even imagine.  It lives through the heart.  Only in the heart. 

But when there is a cocoon around the heart protecting it… we must break it open and break it free… again. 

We need to be more connected, more related, and more in love than ever before… that is what the sadness is calling us to do.  Be more, let it out, feel it all.  Just be intuit.   

Life is full of death.

Birth is full of dying.

Light is full of dark.

We go one direction, and then we bounce back and go the other direction. 

We just are. 

And we know that we must feel, we must sense, and then we know… what glorious things may come. 

But when we hesitate, when we don’t just jump in, we lose our connection to all that is.  We miss it… it just passes by and then we are hit with the realizations later of the would haves, should haves, could haves… if only we had done it different.

And what good does that do? 

What are you afraid of?

When we allow our hearts to break repeatedly, we all of a sudden wake up to the realization that we are meant to feel deeply, to cry profusely, to weep in longing for everything to be different.

This is waking up.

If we live protected, we become afraid to fly.  If we live in safety, we remain caged.  Waking up to our failures is one of life’s greatest gifts. 

Only in the full awakening is the bliss we are seeking.

We have longings, we have wants, we have so much to experience. 

Open your eyes and see, the way our horizons meet, and the way you can match up with all that you desire.

We must dive deep into the shadows, become the shadows, get related to the darkness… before we can truly become the light. 

Stop glossing it over, taking breadcrumbs, or allowing things to just remain where they are. 

Break open and break yourself free.

Fall and fail again.   

Because in the falling… in the failure… WE GET TO CHOOSE AGAIN. 

We get to pick up the pieces we want and leave the rest. 

Pay attention, listen to your heart…. and you will know… here it is again and this time I’m jumping all in… no matter what. 

This time it will be different…

You will get 3 steps further than before…. And you may even take 6 steps backward… but then you will go 9 steps forward. And one day you will leap… one day you will fly. 

Do it anyway.

It’s coming… it’s getting closer…

I promise it’s almost here. 

It’s times like these, when we fail and fail again that we get to break apart all we have ever known and then have the opportunity to build again. The rebuilding means we get to open ourselves to new life, new people, new places and new things. In the newness of it all is when we come upon partnerships that will attract the miraculous. And only this can occur with ashes and dust.

In the coming new year ahead consider receiving the help you need to learn to fly. Here are some opportunities to help you learn…

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Sometimes we need some personal healing session to shatter the dark and transcend us into the light… our guides show us the path.

So you have a block? Sometimes we need a personal healing session to shatter the dark and transcend us into the light… our guides show us the path. Ignite your light and let’s live your passion. Schedule your 1:1 session today.

The best way to change your life is with tools that work… connect with your higher self through a physically challenging, mentally invigorating, and spiritually uplifting practice. Come to Kundalini Yoga Practice at the following locations: Grayslake or Libertyville

Sign up today & connect with your own healing power from within. Learn how to heal your body, mind and spirit through Reiki and join like hearted individuals on a path of transformation.

Cycles Lead us to Truth

Purchase book on Amazon Here

Truth comes in all sizes.  It is something that just happens.  Spiraling, moving, seizing, nourishing, allowing, and bowing to all infinity.  Our truth comes in small and large packages.  Evolving, revolving, ascending, and transforming our thoughts into conscious awareness. It is the truth of who and what we are.  Pure awareness and pure love. 

Amazing love.

Amazing immaculate love.

It can be nothing but that.

Just as the tides come and go, the sun rises and sets, the moon cycles through fullness and emptiness, and the seasons transform the world around us. 

Ask yourself.  Who am I?  What is my truth?

Meditate on this.

Be this.

Allow this to unfold.

You will be surprised what comes.

I meditate every day. Several times a day. Why? To be the truth of who I am.  To be in my essence, on purpose, and so different than anything one will ever find out there. 

I am different. 

We are different on purpose.

Sometimes commitments to families, peoples, places, and things inspire us to be more of ourselves and sometimes they ask us to join their world and become a part of them.  Sometimes this is very helpful and sometimes it is not.  Sometimes it works and sometimes we lose ourselves into something bigger… and then we forget who we are. 

Some of us are designed to think different, be different, stretch different.  Its when we try to hold onto something that is not working that things seem like they are not work out so well anymore.

Everything changes and nothing stays the same.  That’s the beauty of cycles – that’ the beauty of truth.

Ask yourself, what is my truth? Sit with it.  Get to know it.  Love it and be it. 

Become it.

It wants you to know thyself.

If you are having trouble listening to your truth, try this meditation on for size and see how it helps…


Om Mani Padme Hum

Om– the purity of body, speech, and mind comes gradually as we allow ourselves to be transformed into light.

Mani – the jewel, the intention to become light is fulfilled – we become light

Padme – the lotus, the wisdom that comes from ascension through the mud and our realization we are all sentient beings

Hum – Purity, undisturbed unity with consciousness

The achievement of this mantra all comes from within. 

Much like the evolution of ourselves.  Once we are on the path, there is no getting off.  We can try, but we are always led back to our holiness.  In whatever tradition it may take form.  Or combination of traditions. It all sums up to the truth of who and what we are. 

Om Mani Padme Hum


Sit in easy pose, cross legged with an elongated spine.  Or any comfortable sit of your choice, ultimately with your spine elongated as if each vertebra is comfortably stacked on the next.

Allow your hands to rest comfortably in your lap. Or you may assume another mudra (hand position) of your choice.  Some options could be, Gyan mudra (the thumb and pointer fingers come together to form an ‘o’ shape and the other fingers remain elongated, arms are comfortable and extended with hands or wrists resting comfortably on the knees.  Or place right palm on the chest/heart center and left hand on the low navel. 

Breathe long and deep in through the nose and possibly out through the mouth.  Just be still. 

Listen to the music that is suggested or another version of your choice. 

Chant the mantra along with the music. 

*Om Mane Padme Hum by Deborah Van Dyke*

Repeat for any number of minutes to your liking.  Most practices suggest between 3 to 11 minutes.  I prefer to use a mala prayer necklace and chant 108 times daily. 

To end:  Inhale deeply, suspend the breath for 10-15 seconds and then exhale slowly and release yourself to the union of your truth. 

Or join us for the following (see below links):

A kundalini Yoga class near you

Grayslake or Libertyville

Healing and manifesting coaching sessions with me

Candlelight Yin in January

Reiki 1 training in January

Until then, I wish you peace, joy, and light this holiday season as you become more of your truth.

Sat Nam,



Please & Thank You

Please & Thank You

Please & Thank You


Lesson 10 — Acceptance and Intentions

(Taken from Transcending Limitations – How To Start Where You Are & Create Your New World)

Accepting where we are in this moment helps us surrender to what will come. Accepting our path helps us create our reality so that we can create lasting changes in our world. Accepting what is appearing before us helps us forgive and release the energy to be transformed and free us permanently from its perceived control over our lives. Through acceptance we can finally see what is happening within and around us. We finally accept how powerful we truly are and our ability to co-create everything that is showing up in our lives. We have accepted that our unconscious intentions have been creating the life that appears before us and we realize we can consciously create anew. As we consciously accept our power, we accept our ability to create new intentions filled with our conscious desires. This creates the momentum needed for lasting change  to happen.   Allowing the people, places, and things to come in and help us construct the new life we are creating.

Once we realize what we need to do differently, through acceptance, we  consciously decide to lift  the veils and merge with the most powerful force of the universe; our connection with prana, the  life force of Creator itself. This is a powerful way to live working through us and allowing life force energy to move us consciously into the reality in line with our highest potential and soul purpose.  We release control to something bigger than ourselves that has been whispering to us and asking us to follow.  Life becomes more fulfilling, and our lights begin to brighten this world.

This is  divine orchestration.  We are spiritual beings with a soul purpose greater than anything our minds can perceive. Our heart intelligence feels the calling for something more.  There is more to life unexplainable and strongly felt with a  longing for change and living the life you were inspired to become. 

The root of significant  change, the root of  creation, and the root of every inspired being desiring  to be different, seeks for this stretching and shifting to occur.  It becomes disturbing to be normal and they seek to know themselves completely.. This is the beginning of a journey taking them to lasting change and the truth of their soul. .

This is not done by force.  It is a whisper and a gentle calling us back to our truth.  It is not a math problem or a cause-and-effect situation. Sometimes it is a subtle build of pressure that has been ignored for too long building into  congestion so great it can no longer be ignored. In the moment, it feels most uncomfortable, when we may be  trying to suppress or push it away, limit the sensations, or judge and fight back is the moment of  true wisdom emerging and erupting within us. In this moment we realize there is something more.  Before we can go any further, we must surrender to its calling to go deeper. Whatever it may be.

This is when we accept, we can no longer do this alone, we must ask for help, and accept our higher purpose is calling us to step forward, rise up, and become our calling for this lifetime. Real and lasting shifts are not created by ego but by co-creating with Creator itself. This is how miracles happen. In the moment that there is nothing else to do, that there is no longer a fight to engage and there is no longer anything to run from we do nothing. Doing nothing allows everything to become undone. Allowing everything to become undone is when everything opens and all possibilities appear before you. It is here when we finally wake up and see behind all the illusions of everything that was always there waiting for us. It is so simple and yet we make it so uniquely complex. We are that creative and that imaginative that we think we have all this under control. When we do not. When we accept that thought, that idea, we can then surrender with our whole body, and it all happens right then and right there. It is then you become one with the I Am. For our thoughtful minds, this equates to an experience such as this…

Time and time again in my life I have been faced with trepidation. Every time a doctor told me something could not be done, that the impossible could never be achieved, and that I needed to stop trying so hard. Every time a family member decided they knew more than I did, or had this all figured out, I felt this burning sensation within my body that screamed at me! It was so disconcerting that nothing could ignore it. I was so angry with irritation that I was being told ‘no’ in so many ways that it felt like a massive boulder was laying on my chest and I could barely breathe or stay where I was. I was determined to prove them wrong.

When they told me that Ethan would never walk, I wanted to scream from the depths of my soul! When they told me I was not to go to college as a teenager and that my family was not college material, I wanted to kick down every door that closed in front of me. When they said that my child had a psychosis that was passed down from generation to generation, I halted their words and felt a huge constriction within me that could do nothing else but claw my way through the thick goo of cellular limitation that was keeping our family and the rest of the world from the way through to the other side of miraculous. I burst the bubble of disgust and exploded into a sea of miracles that knew life was supposed to be amazing. How could anyone ever tell us otherwise? Why do they feel it is their right to do so! What was this?! For me, it is an unexplainable burst of volcano spirit that does not halt and will never do so. This was my spirit sensation that needed to be heard. This was my body speaking to me telling me to go deeper and use this prana energy to make the changes needed to shift our world.

It is all about sensation. The pressure, the angst, the constrictions, the pounding, the place within that burns, ‘ugh!’ Feel it, sense it, be in it, go through it. It is as if a baby is birthing through the constricted birth canal that must flex and pull and stretch its way into existence. There are no words, only sensation pulling you through to the other side of revelation. We sense something needs to happen, something needs to shift, that an energy is ready to rise up within us. And then we just allow it to happen with no judgements. Unfortunately, we as adults have been trained to remain within our heads ignoring our instincts. We attempt to explain, rationalize, or judge. This is not what creates lasting shifts of transformation. We must be where we are, sense, feel, and drop into the experience.

Acceptance is possible in the moment you notice how you are trying to control the situation. Accepting the sensations and surrendering to the awareness allows us to consciously drop in and prepare us for the next step: surrender.

Surrender is where the magic happens. This is when we consciously return to the marvelous moments that have been unconsciously repeating in our life. We step off the hamster wheel of life and consciously choose to breathe into what is happening. This is when we merge with the juicy still point that we and our lineage never resolved and released from our ancestry.  Through our consciousness we now have the incredible opportunity to do the work with the Creator that will permanently shift and create the miracle. This is the exact moment when a choice is made to complete the process of suffering and step into a new reality of consciousness filled with the choice of another way to live life. We are no longer the mistakes of our individual and collective past.

This may come as an image or memory or something that may not even make sense. This is the beautiful, imaginative, and creative knowing within you, that is bringing you to the golden moment of miraculous change. This is the moment when we initially lost our heart intelligence that knows we are connected to all that is. This is all space-time connection, between the past, present, and future all in one. This is the moment we can now go even deeper.

This moment is our opportunity to breathe into what is happening, to take long slow — very slow — deep breaths into everything and trust. We do this… We breathe, no matter what, no matter what else happens, no matter how many tears, how many tissues, how much anger or rage is in there. We breathe slowly into just the one moment, not the story, and only that one brief and passing moment. It is only in that one brief ‘now’ moment that we instantaneously separated, decided something, and reactively tried to solve the situation. This is when we separated ourselves from the one thing that could have taken care of it all. In that moment, and only that ‘now’ moment, is when we miraculously return to our heart.

To be in the sensations we have been trying to avoid our entire life is the very moment that truth emerges. What will happen next is beyond understanding with the mind. It is an all-encompassing embrace from something so unexplainable, so extraordinary; it is beyond words or thoughts. It cannot be explained and only felt with the heart. This is when the forgiveness sets in, and heart intelligence rises.

Forgiveness is when all the limitations of the mind merge together with the oneness of Creator — your Creator that is within your everlasting life and heart. That is when the image, the memory, the snapshot in time is forgiven and released. This is when we finally understand our part in the creation. This was our derailment by either our hand or the hand of another. This is when we created false beliefs, held regrets, or retreated to protect or survive. This is when we felt our worlds close in on us. This is when we had no other choice but to leave all the love, the knowing, and the oneness behind. In this one very precious moment is when you realized all of this, and it is here where you now return. And as you merge again with Creator, as you ask, you humbly know that you are now receiving the help you always wanted and always knew was possible but creatively and collectively forgot. That is when you forgive yourself, you forgive Creator, and you forgive your entire lineage and family for all of this because you just did not know. In this now moment when you do, this is when something even more amazing happens.

It is here, and only here, when everything resolves and releases. All time does not exist anymore and in this moment of space is when the miracle happens. Whatever that is, or was, or came to be in time merges together. Time stops. You stop. Everything is changed… Everything… Every… Thing… E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g becomes the nothing from which it came.

This is the body of creation that exists within us all. Yes, you are all that is, and nothing can take that away because you are everything and nothing at the same time. When we understand this, we embody the miracle. We know anything is possible. We return home. Heaven was always right here within us.

Our Purpose is to question everything…be curious, believe in the unbelievable, rise above & BE-COME

[An excerpt from Lesson 13 – Question Everything – “Transcending Limitations” Jennifer Lauren]

In the moment negative thoughts or beliefs arise, and the limitation has appeared, we turn it around. Every limitation is answered with a ‘why not’ and every negative thought or belief is answered with a ‘canceling’ of that thought. We feel the negativity, we are aware that it is happening, and in that awareness, we shift into a new state of awareness without the limitation, simply by questioning ‘why not?’ We feel them, we name them, and then we allow them to go. Simply, it is allowing ourselves to feel the limitations of our mind, understand they are illusions of the past, accept they have been there for a  long time hiding  in the shadows, and we commit to questioning everything surrounding the limitation.

For example, Ethan, being diagnosed with a medical condition, has been told repeatedly there are certain things he will never be able to do mentally and physically in this current paradigm. With each limiting belief we peeled back the layers in this realm, decided we had a choice to question the current reality showing up and choose to accept what was happening or find another way.

At first, we had some very difficult life-threatening choices to make. We were told that if certain procedures were not done to save his life he would die. So, as parents in fear and wanting our child to survive we put our faith in the hands of the doctors, and he indeed did survive. Grateful as we were in the skills of the professionals, what we failed to see at the time is as we continually only trusted in the doctors, we failed to trust within ourselves. We gave up ourselves, though allowing a predicted outcome to prevail. Naturally, everything they determined would happen based on medical science, did. When he was born, his life was based on survival. We did the things we were told that needed to be done to survive. This was necessary, and it saved his life.  

On the other hand, we were still limited by our own beliefs. You see, if Ethan did not come into this life with the condition that he did, he would have had a completely different birth and a completely different purpose. But he came in with this diagnosis on purpose. It was his purpose to do this, to be this so that we could see that there is always another way. His life has been a product of questioning everything. When they said he would not walk, we asked, “Why not?” We were told exactly ‘why not’ by doctors and other professionals, and we had a choice to make. Believe in the limitation or find another way. We found the other way.

When we were told he needed surgeries to correct and take care of limitations he would always have with his bowels and bladder and kidneys, we asked, “Why?” and they told us ‘why’, all the limitations of ‘why’. I asked the universe, “Why not?” and I was shown because it was what you believe. So, I questioned the belief and chose another way. Never having bowel, bladder, or kidney issues. Ever.

Finally, his shunt, (an instrument surgically implanted in a child to help pump cerebral spinal fluid throughout the body) we were told this would need multiple revisions his entire life and to expect multiple surgeries every year, not to mention a host of other issues related to cognitive functioning. So, what happened? You guessed it… We found another way. Ethan became an anomaly and the kid that was the ‘healthiest’ kid they had ever seen. It didn’t require magic or miraculous prayers reserved for the worthy few. What it took was the courage to question everything along with belief in the miraculous. We were convinced there had to be a better way. We were convinced we could not live our life like a textbook, and we had to do something else. We were convinced we would not become another statistic. We needed another way; their rules were too limiting, too unnatural, too constricting, and too separating from inspired living. The only way that felt better, sensed better, created a more fun and joyful way for us, for Ethan, for our life, was to question “WHY NOT?” and then find another way.

When you question everything, you question the very fabric within you, your family, your lineage, and your ancestors. You question all the thoughts and beliefs within your life that have ever made up your life, and when you do that, it forces you to go within. When you go within, you get to know what you genuinely believe and if you don’t like what you see you get to change it. Every perceived problem has an answer and in this reality, the problem no longer exists because we know that once we see the limitation, the answer already appears. It is that fast, so fast that soon the problems become nonexistent. Or if the ‘problem’ does persist we see it as an opportunity to find another way. When it happens enough, and we see the results of our paying attention we are taken to an entirely new level of understanding and then that new level becomes our floor of existence. It is here that we begin again.

Questioning everything begins with curiosity. It begins with a knowing that this can’t be right because I trust when it does not feel right. It is calling me to notice something is not lining up within myself. Once that happens, you begin opening doors to new ways of thinking which opens doors to new ways of being, which opens doors for all possibilities to drop in.

When you are aware of your own limitations, you have the power to free yourself from the limitation itself. It is here that you realize nothing is holding you back from anything. It was only there to help you see the truth. You are to move higher and higher and continually release boundaries for yourself by questioning everything. As you do this first for yourself it will naturally ripple out and extend to others around you.  They will sense the shift and eventually be inspired to go above and beyond their own perceived ceilings to lift themselves to a new level where their ceiling is now their floor.

You are to keep going, raising yourself higher and higher so that eventually, ceilings don’t exist, and your limitless existence is all there is. That is what childlike questioning allows us to do. It asks, “Why not?” to everything with a curious, joyful, limitless expression that is open to all possibility. This is the true gift of a child. The purpose of a child is to help the adult see what they once believed for themselves.

Open, Expand, Become…

An excerpt from my new book, “Transcending Limitations – How to start where you are and create your new world”. When I wrote this portion of the book, I was receiving information from my higher self or Source consciousness on how to overcome the perceived limitations in my life at the time. It’s the same information given to anyone and accessed by anyone at any time…. I just took the time to write it down in the book. Enjoy… and allow it to inspire to help you. Please remember, my services extend far past a book. Peruse the website for my workshops, 1:1 sessions and coaching opportunities.

When you wonder about things all day long, it will bring up your limiting beliefs about life. When this happens,  notice how it holds a restriction in your body. This is your opportunity to free this area by opening to wonder while the universe magically drops inspiration into your heart. This is clearing what is limited. This opens you to the possibility of seeing, sensing, and knowing that the unlimited will show up. Wondering helps us believe in the possible before it even happens. We must know with absolute certainty anything is possible before it  happens.

As we work in the realm of “wondering” we are working with our hearts to create amazing  answers to life’s dilemmas. These are just waiting and wanting to be revealed. Everything can happen, will happen, and is happening. Everything.

At any given moment there is something floating out there in the energy of the universe with a new idea, a new solution, and a new answer to anything that you wonder about. It is this way because “I wonder” is a highly creative energy filled with spirit and imagination. When we connect with the spirit of joy, imagination, love, and creativity there is no way that anything less than this can show up.

This does require practice. We must train ourselves to wonder as if we would train our body to learn a new exercise such as running, weightlifting, or any number of activities. We must train ourselves to become our limitless selves. We must wonder every day, multiple times of the day. One hundred times a day we must imagine, we must create, we must elevate. No matter what we believe. No matter what our situation and no matter how far down the rabbit hole we have gone… It is our job to wonder. It is our job to wake up and see our shortcomings, see our limitations, and then turn them around. This is our way. This is our practice. This is what we are to accomplish individually and collectively.

Creator knows this… Therefore, we elevate, and through elevation, we naturally return to the very thing we are. We are meant to transcend all limitations in every way possible. No matter what. There is always an answer and frequently it is something greater than you can ever dream or imagine yourself. This is why we pray, “This or something greater”. Positive expectation plants the seeds of trust in anticipation of the growth. We hold the vision and let go of the outcome. Meaning, I see it, I hold it, and I remain open to it or something better showing up which creates elevation and advance knowing to drop in. This is how masters become masters… They tap into their questioning of “Why not?” Let us see, let us open to the possibility, let us create, and let us do this. Then they invest all their heart and love into expansion in that area, always remaining open to all possibilities, and allowing their minds to be the passengers that help to lead, guide, and direct.

The heart knows. The heart is connected to all that is. The heart is creativity. The heart is imagination. The heart is elevated, expansive, enhanced, an amazing love unlike most have ever experienced before. It is only through the heart that everything can and will and does happen. This is your oneness with all that is, which is how true miracles happen all the time. Then you realize there is no turning back, no other way to live, but to fully give and to love through the heart. The heart can become everything in this universe, and it is right there. Always waiting for you, within yourself.  Just listen to the voice. It knows the way. Open, expand, become, because you are the ocean.

Order today from these sources…



Pegasus Publishers

You are an Extension of Life Force Energy…

Have you ever thought of yourself as an extension of energy?  Imagine this… Imagine yourself as a tree.  A beautiful and bountiful tree full of life.  This tree is vibrant and alive.  Larger and more expansive than ever seen before. Ever felt before, ever sensed before.  This tree is so amazing that we can see and feel it across all space and time in this current reality.  This tree has branches that expand, stretch and reach upwards of 100 feet into the air… expanding and lifting and reaching so far out int the sky that its mere presence expands and lifts the life force of the animals, air, water, earth and sky around it.  Its prana is unimaginably stable and a source of groundedness for all that come near it.  You can’t help but feel limitless and healed as you stand near its presence.  Its branches lift us and reach high into the limitless sky as a representation of that which is within each of us…limitless expansion. 

Now imagine the mirror version of this same tree and how its roots run deep within the earth plane.  The roots reflect the branches.  That which you see extended upwards to the sky also runs deep down below the earth you are standing upon.  These roots reach so deeply into the mother and advance themselves uncontained around us intertwining with the roots of the forest of trees around you.  The earth worms, the moles, the animals and insects that serve the ground all become fed and nurtured by this tree and live vibrantly off its life force.  The roots intermingle with other tree roots and they all have light force conversations with each other.  They communicate vibrantly together and infuse love and support unto one another.  Helping each other live vibrantly and cohesively together all based on their intuitive life force within them that are cohesively connected to the universal life force that feeds and nurtures us all. 

Now breathe and listen into you… and hear this statement…


You have the same limitless capacity within you to reach beyond and transcend above all perceived lower vibrations.  To stand clearly and steadfastly within the roots of your strong prana and to shift the energy around you and within you deep into the earth and into the ancestors of your lineage of everyone who has ever come before you, is currently present in your life, and everyone you will meet from this day forward. 

I know this.  It is truth. 

The only requirement is that you learn more about you… you learn what feeds you, what nurtures you, who you are and what powers you contain to shift yourself and this amazing world you are living within. 

That’s it.  Therefore, this is why you are here. 

I see everyone who walks into my/our classes, sessions, or on the ground of Winwood Retreat Center as such.  A beautiful limitless tree that intuitively knows how to live vibrantly.  They are all tuning into and taping into their superpowers.  I am, we are, Winwood is merely providing the uncompromised space for us to become this. 

As such, make time to come and experience a class, a session, or a day of retreat from the world out there so that you come to know the world within you. 

For once you know thyself you know the world and thus we all win together in this precious life and place that we all inhabit together.

Make time in your schedule for these events happening this weekend and coming regular.  They will feed your tree and help you to vibrantly grow.  Then we build the new forest together.  Limitless, expansive and free to be our super selves with our unlimited superpowers. 

Please sign up at the following LINK

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