“Don’t get me flowers for Mother’s Day…or I will be pissed.”

“Do me a favor…Don’t get me flowers under any circumstances or I will be pissed.”

I sent this text to my husband the other day.  I was referring to Mother’s Day.  The holiday that creeps around every year like the rest of them, you know…Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparent’s day, etc.  This day has always been a sense of soreness for me.  Until I decided to stop hiding my feelings about what this day truly means, at least for me.  I have hid my feelings for a rather long time.  I mean, how could I not when we live in a society where we are taught to contain, hold back, shushed, and looked at as ‘bad’ if we are too loud, exuberant or colorful to say the least.  I have a neighbor, who’s son went to school dressed in the most amazing and beautiful colored costumes on all the fun holidays.  He was eccentric and encouraged to be so by his parents.  They wanted him to express himself and be free to be himself.  It was deemed as ‘cute’ when he was younger in elementary school.  But then when he moved onto middle school he began to be categorized and slandered for his harmless expression of himself.  It made me sick to think that as children bullied him for being himself the faculty supported this notion by telling the mom one day, “Well, if he is going to be ‘that way’ he as to be able to take the comments that other’s say to him.  I mean, he is different, and if he wants to be different, he must be able to ‘take’ the comments of other children.”  This was an administration member of the local middle school explaining this to the mom of the boy who had gone to school wildly dressed that day in celebration of yet another holiday and received slandering comments from the children.  The mom found out about this, and like many mothers, called the school to inform them of what had happened. 

Humph.  I think to myself.  “If he wants to be different, he must be able to ‘take’ the comments of other children.”  We actually believe this stuff!?  We actually still believe in our 2020 society that if we want to be different we have to be able to secretly ‘take’ the rolling eyes, the whispers of slander, and the note passing that goes on day to day in our schools today.  Bullying is no longer out right hitting and destroying your personal items.  No, it has become a secret society that hides out of their own fears and desperations and jealousies of wanting to be different but never being able to take the plunge out of fear of being caught or unaccepted by the rest of society.  We have accepted this as the new normal.  It’s heart breaking.  Some of you may shake your heads in denial that this is not what is still going on today.  But I encourage you to talk to your kids.  I mean, really talk to your kids. Spend time with them asking them deep questions.  Not the surface kinds that ask… “How was school today” when they walk in the door which offers virtually nothing but a ‘fine’ before they scatter off to their rooms.  No, find the time on a walk, while they sit on the couch, or that off beat time that isn’t plannable.  I encourage you to take the moments that present themselves to you in any varying ways and dig deep with questions such as, “Tell me about what it’s like to be at school during the day.”  “Tell me how it is when you want to talk to a friend or join in on a conversation, but it may feel awkward or uninviting.”  “What does it feel like to have to raise your hand in class or to be called on by the teacher unexpectedly.”  “Has that ever happened to you?  Has this happened to anyone else?  What was it like?” 

I encourage you to ask deep questions that encourage conversation about things that they know are happening but don’t know how to tell anyone.  Because I promise you that one of these questions will open the door to a knowing within them that wants to be expressed but they don’t know how to do that because most of us truly just don’t want to know anyway.  When we find out… I promise you will be surprised at what really goes on, still. 

So, I sent this text to my husband because I really did NOT want anything for Mother’s Day.  Not because I was boycotting the day all together but because I had, had enough of the celebratory ‘feel’ of a day that means nothing to me.  Now, I am sharing my perspective.  I am not trying to change the world here.  What I am doing is sharing what is true for me… 

I never understood Mother’s Day.  I never understood this whole idea of celebrating something that clearly many of us just don’t know how to do anyway.  When I became a mother, it was like a raw slap in the face where the burn and red-handed mark lasted for days, months, and years.  It was as if someone painted this glorious picture of what motherhood should be like…it was a glorious land that when you arrived you would never turn away from it again.  You would want to stay here forever amongst that lush green landscape, carnival colored flowers just bursting everywhere you looked, birds flying, and rainbow covered sky.  It was anticipated as the best event of your life besides for marriage.  We had parties and showers to celebrate the incoming child that was going to light up our life.  We received gift after gift into this new magical land that would help us manage our new bundle of joy as we learned and carefully took on our new responsibilities of bathing, feeding and loving this incredible gift from God.  Oh, what we do to paint a Never Never Land that we will never want to return from. 

Me, I wanted to return.  When I got to Never Land… I wanted to march right out of there and run the other way.  No!  This is not what I paid for….I want my ticket back!  It wasn’t because I didn’t love my child….I did…I actually never felt a love for someone like I felt when my children were born.  It was that no one told me the real hard true facts of motherhood.  No one sat me down and told me that it was going to be one of the hardest things you will ever do and there is no way to do it right.  If someone said,

“Jennifer I have a ticket to another land that is more beautiful and amazing than any place you have ever been before.  You will go there and discover parts of yourself that you never knew existed.  Parts of yourself that will bring you joy and elation and parts of you that will bring desperation and depression.  If someone had told me it’s a transformative land and one that you will never return from the same again.  This is a land where the journey never ends and will never take you to a perceived destination.  You will constantly be learning, constantly growing, and it will feel awful, most of the time because you will never think that you are doing it right. The journey will go on forever in this new land and the lessons will be hard mostly because growing requires a lot of energy.  The truest most wonderful thing about this land is that you will never be the same and you will always be expected to do things that are outside your comfort zone.  You will have to be something that you are not ready to become.” 

 I would ask them, “Why would I pay for that?” and walk away. 

Yep, that was me at the time I had kids.  I had no clue what motherhood really was.  Nothing out there showed me that.  I had a mom that bucked out and died of cancer when I was 16.  Not because she was a victim of a disease but because life was just too hard.  This mom thing was a false idea that had been planted into her at an early age as well.  She embarked on the same journey and failed miserably.  Because she did not have the skills to rise above all the complications in her life.   

And then I had a representation in society that painted a picture of motherhood that seemed like the destination that I wanted to have.  You know, the “Leave it to Beaver” mom with the perfectly curled short hair, white shiny pearls around her neck, the freshly pressed dress that was starch white, and pointed heeled shoes she wore all day long! Ouch! She made being a mom look so wonderful!  Always cheerful, always knowing, always monotone with worldly advice for her young ones.  She was taken care of by her husband who would go to work everyday and provide a stable environment of trust and acceptance for the entire family.  I actually thought that that was FAMILY!  That I wanted that!  I wanted to fit into a mold that was what society painted it be… a fantastical fantasy life that was so far from what is true and reverent to life that we have felt like that we can never be or live up to this standard because this standard is impossible!

Sadly, I had no idea.  No idea.  I grew up in a dauntingly chaotic household where the police coming to my house once a week to break up a raging fight by my mother and father and brother made just way too much noise for the neighbors.  Thankfully, their calls, and my dad being taken away by the police actually gave us peace week in and week out.  I remember trying to get our dog, Corky, to go out and distract them because I wanted them desperately to stop fighting.  I tried myself, but I was relentlessly pushed away and sent to my room with a single handed push like I was a pebble shot away by an index finger across the room while they continued their brawl. 

But, I wanted this… a normal family.  I had no idea what normal was. 

Fast forward many years later… I have three kids and an amazing husband who loves me.  Loves me so much that I can say to him… “Don’t get me flowers or I’ll be pissed.”  Why would I say such a thing?  Because I am tired of falling into the Mother’s Day trap.  Where kids and husbands feel pressured to do something nice for their mothers without for a second asking themselves why do they actually do this?  I’ll never forget my husband coming to me year after year telling me, “Mother’s Day is this weekend and if you are going to the store can you pick up some cards for my mom?”  Amazing that he would think of this on Wednesday and then we would have to Fed Ex Mother’s Day cards to his mom to get there by Saturday. Again. Year after year. Why?  Because if his mom did not receive something that showed that her boy cared she would be forever hurt and just hurt enough that his dad would call to tell him so.  Oh, the pressure.

The pressure to do something just because it was expected.  This to me just does not make any sense.  I loved the little hand made gifts that my children used to give me when they were in elementary school and the teacher would spend the time to help each child create something for mother’s day and the child would run home eager to just give mom their gift without the understanding they have to wait until Sunday.  I loved that!  No pressure and no expectation…they just wanted to celebrate mom no matter what day it was.  I did this too. 

As they got older, the pressure to perform remained the same but the intensity just unconsciously elevated itself because now they were expected to come up with something on their own.  Even if someone went our and hand picked a card for them so that they would have to write a note to mom or grandma without understanding why they were being forced to do this in the first place. 

I can imagine what may be going on in my kids minds today if they were to actually write what they really are thinking, “Thanks mom for birthing me.  Although you didn’t have to do it, you did it anyway.  Thanks for everything you do for me even though I can’t recall what that was… oh yay, driving me to practice and such.  Oh, and have a good day.”

 They’d ask themselves afterward… “Did I do that right?  Do I pass the test? Gosh, I hope what I wrote is ok.”

Yep…that’s it… they really don’t get it… and either do I. 

So I put a stop to it…for me anyway.  I have officially boycotted Mother’s Day.  Not because I am angry…ok well, maybe I am mildly annoyed with the whole thing. 

Like, the holiday was invented in the later 1850’s not because someone decided to invent a day to celebrate Mothers, not as a day to celebrate one’s own mother, but as days of service to help out other mothers who were less fortunate band together to help teach them hygiene practices to take care for their children and keep them from getting sick.  This was a ‘work day of days’ for mothers to help other mothers. A Mother’s Day Work Club, none the less. (TIME Mag. The Surprising Sad Origins of Mother’s Day, https://time.com/4771354/mothers-day-history-origins/ )

Or that the Mother’s Day theme of staying home with your children was really emphasized as a last stitched effort to push back on the 20th century Women’s movement that wanted to get out into the world to work and make a living. 

So, for me, Mother’s Day is a choice.  Do I really want to celebrate Mother’s Day?  No.  Because we already are who we are either by conscious or unconscious choices that we have made in our life.  Mother’s Day has become the largest grossing holiday next to Christmas.  Why?  An effort to sensationalize something that just isn’t true.  We are not meant to be the version of ourselves that is painted in all those commercials.  I won’t even get into the religious version of mother hood.  That just opens a whole other can of worms that can’t even be discussed in this short essay. (Oh! And I can hear the back lash now!)

I will say this… I do celebrate mothers who realize they have become the most truest and most deepest part of themselves not because of anything that they have seen or heard on tv, Instagram, or Facebook, BUT in spite of it.  

So on mother’s day…I have decided instead to remind my kids of this… to courageously be the most truest and deepest part of themselves as much as possible… and then maybe I will have consciously come upon the true meaning of being a mother. For Mother’s Day I instead wrote them this…

Dear Ethan, Aiden, and Nora,

You have heard me say that I don’t want cards, flowers, or gifts for Mother’s Day.  Actually, you heard me tell dad that I would be pissed if you or anyone else did this for me today.  You may be wondering, Why?  Well…I thought about it and decided I wanted you to know this…Mother’s Day is a celebration of women coming together to celebrate the enormous process of raising children.  Yes you.  I would never trade this choice in for anything else…although as you know I sure do act like I don’t want to be a mother at times.  I don’t want you to learn through an expectation that sets you up for buying me something or making me something on a day that we are supposed to celebrate just because everyone else is doing it.  You know our family is not typical which is what we need to celebrate and what we need to learn to do more of as much as possible.  I don’t ever want anything from the three of you.  Not because I am a martyr or a victim.  No.  Because I want you to know the truest part of being a mother.  It is not the gifts or the cards or the flowers.  It was a choice that I made a long time ago to be and do something that has brought me to a life with you today.  TOGETHER we have created something beautiful.  I did not do this alone. WE have created a family that I never had.  WE have created a place in my heart that grows enormously with each passing year and all the wins and losses that come out of it as WE work together to make something of this world that can be anything that WE want it to be. 

Which brings me to my next point…. I don’t want you to buy me or make anything for me because I already know that you appreciate me.  I know this because you get upset when I don’t do the normal things, like wake you up in the morning when I get too busy.  When I don’t have time to make dinner, you miss it.  When I don’t have time to do the laundry, you wonder where are my clean clothes?  You miss the normalcy that you were used to.  I see that.  I see how you value and appreciate through the losses you endure as we all shift and grow and create new states of normal within our family.  I will always be your mother but I never want you to ever think that you should be like me.  Not for a minute.  I want you to be anything but me.  In fact, I want to encourage you to do nothing like I did and marry no one like me if you even choose to get married.  I want you to do so many things in your life that if you take your whole life figuring our what you want to do when you grow up that I will know that I did my job to the truest that I could have ever done.  I want you to be thinking so outside the normal that you look at others and wonder why they do things the same way that they do all the time.  I want you to wonder about everything.  And above all else… be yourself.  I want you to be so outside of yourself that through you being the version of you that is so insanely different from me that you inspire me to be more of myself.  I want you to not follow the same path as everyone else… I want you to bulldoze your own path.  That takes effort, responsibility, and a desire to create an abnormal life.  I want you to know I love abnormal and god knows you know that I love it when we ask, “Why the Fuck do we always do this, this way?” and then we don’t.  Because we have figured out that its not the path we want to take.  I want you to never be like me or anyone else.  I want you to turn away form the normal that you see on Facebook, Instagram, snap chat and certainly at school.  And I want you to buck the norm.  I want you to investigate, inquire, retreat, and come out always pushing the normal box over.  I want you to be everything like you.  And then I want you to teach me to be more of myself by you doing what abnormal does.  Nothing like anyone else. 

I know this may seem puzzling right now.  And this may not make sense… but do me one favor… on mother’s day… lets make this a day that we begin to celebrate what it means to be so sure of yourself that you don’t need anyone to give you anything and you don’t need someone to do something nice for you that is expected.  Let this be a reminder that you are to do three things in life…

  1. Question everything
  2. Feel everything
  3. Follow nothing

*Question why you are doing what you are doing in every moment.  Always know what is true and right for you. 

*Feel what is happening in every moment.  Always know what is true and what is right for you.

*Resolve to follow nothing because you are always being what is true and right for you. 

If you can follow these three things for the rest of your life, then I know that as a mom I have received all that I have ever wanted.  Three seeds that I helped plant in this world to grow into the versions of themselves that touches the truest and brightest and deepest versions of themselves and this planet. 

Lastly, embody your own knowing that nothing out there can ever fill you in here.  (Your heart) Especially not me.  Learn to fill yourself up in here so that you can spill out into the world out there in a way that is completely who you already are…you. 

Then I will know that I succeeded at doing my job that this world says that Mother’s do on Mother’s Day…Nothing…Because you realized you are already everything and needed nothing from me to get there.

And you know what… I really don’t want flowers because then that would be taking form the greatest mother of us all, Earth.  And she really needs them right now, more than me.  Maybe that is what they meant by mothers helping mothers on Mother’s Work Day.   

Love you more and less motherly every day,


I was just 17…

I was just 17.

I went for a walk this morning with my dog Larkin like I always do, at least 3-4 times a day now, since we have been confined to our homes for over a month. I was feeling very lethargic and like I just did not want to be outside, but I went anyway.  

I had been wondering for several weeks now how can I help in a situation like this? This was on my mind on this morning. I continued, walking down the street checking out all the cracks in the sidewalk like I usually do. I saw the curvature on the one block that I have seen probably 100 times by now from the tree that was dug out a while ago never to return. I saw the same muddy spots, buildings on the side, and rocks in the road. I tend to look down a lot because of Larkin. I am usually talking to her or trying to steer her in the most opportune places for her to go in case she decides to relieve herself. So, I tend to notice the cracks in the sidewalk alot. As I was crossing the street feeling my malaise coursing through my body and noticing how foggy it was outside which only added to my discontent, I came upon a spillage of shiny pennies laying in the middle of the street. I was in awe of the number of pennies and quickly became excited to say the least. Wow, I thought to myself, this must be a gift because all of a sudden, I started to feel a little bit better gazing upon the shiny pennies in the street. You know I felt like it was a sign.  Like it was my ancestors talking to me.  I felt as though my mom was right there.   She has been gone for 30 years now and I feel like it was just yesterday that she left.  Now since we are all in this quarantine period, I have no distractions, I have nothing to take my attention from a deep darkness that still resides within me.  I am no longer attached to anyone or anything that will distract me from the current moment. Meaning, I have no phone calls or text messages coming from my kids or clients, I have no appointments to get to, I have no requirements or requests for errands to run, and I have nothing pressing that needs to get done which would distract me from what’s truly going on within me.

So, there I was, walking Larkin, stopped in the middle of a street and lingering above the shiny copper pennies that laid in the road feeling this subtle excitement like a piece of me was waking up as I came upon my new treasure.  I cannot explain it, but I had the urge to bend down in the middle of the busy road with Larkin attached to me and reach for all the pennies and scoop them up one by one.  So, with each of my 3 fingers on my right hand I picked up each individual penny and placed them in my left hand while carefully making sure I held on to Larkin’s leash. Of course, I was worried that somebody would make a turn on to the street and not see me crouched down or Larkin because of the dense fog, so I did this as quickly as I could in order to make sure we frankly didn’t get hit by a car. As I pick them up, I thought to myself, I wonder how many pennies are in my hand and as I counted them, I notice there were 17.  17 pennies in my hand.  What is this message? I began to think, wondering if there could be a connection. I crossed the road and continued to walk on with 17 pennies in my left-hand and Larkin in my right. I thought, I wonder what does 17 mean to me? I also wondered what am I going to do with 17 shiny copper pennies? Clearly there was no need for me to keep 17 pennies so as I contemplated what the number meant and continued to walk on, I decided that I would scatter these pennies with kindness on my usual route.  As I walked on, I began noticing many things within myself.  I felt unsettled, angry, fearful and tired. Even though these 17 pennies made me feel a little bit better I still felt all of this within my body. It was showing up as sensations of just general tiredness. An unexplained desire to just go back to bed. But I kept on, I kept walking, I kept walking Larkin, and I decided to drop every one of my pennies along my route dispersing them in different areas hoping that the next people that would come along would find joy in finding their new lucky penny.

I began to imagine the little kid on the sidewalk picking up a shiny piece of luck, pressing it in his pocket, and putting a smile on his face. I saw the woman walking along just like me and finding a penny and she too would know it carried a reminder for her to remember.   

Then I remembered what was happening when I was 17. I had just finished my junior year of high school my mom had just died from cancer, my brother had entered a mental institution for a schizophrenic break that he had while attending Ivy League, and my Dad had avoided all contact with me due to his own struggles with alcohol.  I was living with a family who loved me dearly but felt very uneasy and displaced. I was around people but felt all alone. I was a teenager without the skills or the understanding that what I was going through was valid and completely justified. It was an exceedingly difficult time for me. I had a place to live but felt homeless. I had people who loved me but felt abandoned. I had people that encouraged me to go on but felt very discouraged. All the feelings of insecurity, remorse abandonment, unworthiness, and depression came rushing back during this one walk that I had been on by now over 100 times. Right then and right there I was 17 again feeling and sensing the tightness in my throat, the leakage in my eyes, and the stuffiness within my nose. As I kept walking, I kept releasing. I was releasing years of anger and anguish and self-doubt and unworthiness and sadness over a time in my life when the world felt like a very unsafe place to be. I didn’t care if people saw the tears in my eyes or witnessed a passing woman’s anguish in the city streets.  I finally felt justified and the pennies helped.  With each penny that I dropped, I had positive feelings of new life, new sensations, and new smiles and laughter. It was as if I was releasing sadness that had still remained with an understanding resolve for the positive vibes that eventually return with every penny that I dropped. With every tear that I shed it felt difficult and good at the same time.

I share this with you just to share a piece of me and my history.  I share the possibility that maybe there is a piece of all of us that is going through all of this a little differently because we all have different backgrounds, different histories, different perspectives ourselves.  WE never know what filters may be on our lens of reality maybe making our true vision a little harder to truly see with the eyes that we originally had before all of this took place.  I share the possibility that this time that we are all going through together is more than just a time to carry on and get through until things get back to normal. To me, in my perspective, it feels like a time when everything is permanently changing. Normal will not be the same.   It never is when you go through something like this and especially when we collectively go through something like this. It changes us in a way that cannot be explained with words but can only be sensed within our bodies, our hearts. I know that with every unresolved memory that comes up for me during this time I learn to resolve and release them because I have done this all many times before. I’ve lived through a lot of crisis more than I can put in words in this essay. What I do want to offer is encouragement, understanding, peace, love, compassion and kindness for everyone going through hardship for everyone missing out on something for everyone having a tough time.  I get it.  I may not fully understand what you’re going through, I never will.   I do understand that this can be a particularly hard time for many in so many different ways I just want you to know I hear you I understand and I’m here for you with what I can offer… a friendship, a possible understanding, and the possibility that maybe I can help. So here’s what I’d like to offer…

I would like to offer a donation based Intuitive Clearing Session to anyone who would like to energetically work on any issue having to do with emotional pain, sadness, stress, anxiety, fear or trauma.  I have training ranging from reiki mastership to craniosacral therapy to ancestral clearing with John Newton to zen shiatsu.   I am an Occupational Therapist who has worked through much of my own trauma in many life experiences and with my own lineage and family.  I have numerous years of experience.  I enjoy working from teens to adults.  Just respond to this email and we can schedule our session.  All sessions are done over the phone or through a web format most comfortable for you. 

I would also like to offer the 28 Days of Conscious Intuitive Living again. I will be beginning this on Monday May 4th.  This is a 4-week program of intensive healing work that delivers audio recordings and email writeups to your inbox every morning.  This is a huge undertaking for me and one I am willing to share. I will be redoing this once again.  In order to honor those that have been a part of this program in the past the price will remain the same but two things will differ:

-1- If you choose to be a part of the program you receive an opportunity to be a part of it as many times as you like for the same amount. Also, if you have done this program before you are free to begin again for no charge.

-2- If it is too much to pay the full amount, contact me.  We will work out a way for you to get on the program that is good and right for your resources at this time.   

Lastly, I would like to offer a new class for everyone to be a part of… Meridians, Movement, Breath, and Forgiveness This will be an on-line class…with the interest I will offer classes to help release and resolve ancestor and lineage long held beliefs within the body in order to help with your own healing for today.  This will be donation based. 

I need to hear from you and your interest in any of the above.  I can only go on with any of these programs if the people come. 

My heart wants as many people as possible to receive. I honestly believe that everyone has their gifts their abilities in their own way to help our current situation. I would like to be a part of helping.   

Please contact me if you have any interest at all.  Let us connect… even if it is to chat. Thanks for listening thanks for actually reading this entire passage. It means a lot to me. 

Who knows, maybe you are feeling ‘17’ too. 



Reiki & The Scientific Evidence: Something to think about before Reiki Training this weekend.

There is still room to sign up today. Information is here…

by Ann Linda Baldwin, PhD

People who have given and/or received Reiki know, first hand, how energizing it feels and how one’s worries seem to melt away after a session. However, people who have not experienced, or even heard of Reiki may naturally be more skeptical, and may not want to venture into the unknown. What is really needed is scientific evidence showing exactly what Reiki can do to promote health and wellness. Fortunately, the Center for Reiki Research (CRR) has set up an easily accessible website (www.centerforreikiresearch.org) in order to promote people’s scientific awareness of Reiki. This site provides a list of evidence-based research published in peer-reviewed journals along with a critical summary of each study. The list is kept up to date and currently includes 33 studies. The summaries of the studies were produced by carefully analyzing the quality of each study in terms of experimental design, methodology, results, statistics, and conclusions, using a procedure developed by CRR named The Touchstone Process.

The following is a distillation of findings from the more robust of the studies (as scored ‘Very Good’ or ‘Excellent’ by The Touchstone Process in terms of the above criteria) that demonstrate positive physical effects of Reiki.

Probably the most commonly reported benefit of Reiki is that it reduces stress. One of the first places in the body that stress manifests itself is in the heart and circulation. Heart rate and blood pressure both increase during stress and these responses are caused by increased activity of sympathetic nerves in the heart. On the other hand, increased activity of the parasympathetic or vagal nerves causes the heart to relax. Studies have shown that Reiki can reduce the stress response of the heart in both humans and animals. Friedman et al (2010) found that when nurses gave Reiki to 12 patients recovering from acute coronary syndrome, a disease involving blockage of the coronary arteries, the vagal nerves became more active, indicating a relaxation effect, as reflected by changes in the heart rate variability. This was a good sign because medications that enhance vagal nerve activity, such as beta-adrenergic blockers, improve the outcomes of patients with this type of heart disease. So in this case Reiki was having a similar effect as a medicine that is a known effective therapy for heart disease. The increase in vagal nerve activity was statistically significant compared to the results from the groups of patients who listened to meditative music (13 patients) or just received standard care (12 patients). Unfortunately the study did not include a sham Reiki group, in which someone untrained in Reiki mimics the hand-positions of Reiki, and so we do not know whether just touching the patients, without giving Reiki, would have the same effect.

…there is preliminary scientific evidence that Reiki reduces stress, pain, depression and anxiety, and can help mild Alzheimer’s patients to overcome their cognitive impairment to some degree.

Studies of Reiki on animals provide particularly robust data because the animals are all kept under the same controlled conditions and so variations in diet and lifestyle that are present in human studies are eliminated. This means that the results are easier to interpret unambiguously. Baldwin and colleagues (2006, 2008) showed that Reiki, compared with sham Reiki, significantly reduced the physiological effects of stress in rats. In previous experiments, Wilson and Baldwin (1998) discovered that their research rats were stressed by the noisy environment in which they were housed and that the stress was manifesting in the body as shown by cellular damage. Baldwin wondered whether giving the rats Reiki would (i) reduce their stress and (ii) heal the damage, and so she designed experiments to test this hypothesis. In one study (Baldwin et al, 2008), a Reiki practitioner sat in front of each of three cages and sent Reiki to the pair of rats inside each cage for 15 minutes every day for five days. Reiki significantly decreased the mean heart rate of the stressed rats by 6% on average, and sham Reiki had no effect. Neither Reiki nor shamReiki reduced blood pressure. One reason that Reiki reduced heart rate but not blood pressure could be that blood pressure depends on multiple factors, including heart rate, force of contraction of the heart, and the degree of contraction or relaxation of the blood vessels, so Reiki would have to affect all these factors in order for blood pressure to be reduced. It is possible that longer sessions of Reiki may be required to achieve these changes.

In the other study, Baldwin et al (2006), showed that the rats stressed by their noisy environment also had damaged blood vessels in the mesentery, the sheet of tissue that holds the intestine together. The damaged regions in these tiny blood vessels were leaky to a large protein, albumin, in the blood. Normally, albumin is contained in these blood vessels and does not leak out into the tissue. This condition is necessary in order for the correct balance to be obtained between water in the blood and water in the tissue. It is not known exactly how stress causes damage to blood vessels but it is probably linked to activation of nerves in the intestine, leading to release of neurotransmitters that may stimulate immune cells to release toxins. When four rats were given Reiki for 15 minutes a day for three weeks most of the leaks disappeared. Four rats that received sham Reiki also showed some reduction in the number and size of vascular leaks but it was not statistically significant. The experiment was repeated on two other groups of rats and a similar result was obtained. These experiments show that Reiki can work on animals, even rats, to reduce their stress and to heal the cellular damage mediated by the stress.

Another frequently reported benefit of Reiki is that it reduces pain. Vitale and O’Connor (2006) showed that Reiki significantly improved preoperative relaxation and reduced postoperative pain in women undergoing hysterectomies. The 12 women in the Reiki group received a 30-minute treatment immediately before surgery and 24 hours and 48 hours post surgery. The 10 women in the control group received standard care only. There was no sham Reiki group. Data were collected using the State component of the State-Trait Anxiety Inventory and a visual analog scale for pain measurement. The Reiki group reported significantly less anxiety pre-surgery and significantly less pain 24 hours post-surgery than the control group. Interestingly, the time duration of the surgery was shorter on average for the Reiki group (59 minutes) than the control group (72 minutes).

Chronically ill patients often not only feel pain, but also get depressed. Dressin and Singg (1998) demonstrated a significant reduction in the pain, depression, and anxiety experienced by chronically ill patients with a range of medical conditions who received Reiki compared to sham Reiki (two sessions per week for five weeks). In these experiments there were 12 men and 18 women per group. The men experienced a significantly greater reduction in depression than the women. These beneficial effects were still seen three months after completion of the Reiki treatments. Shore (2004) showed that 30 people needing treatment for mild depression or stress, and who received hands-on Reiki or distance Reiki once a week for six weeks, experienced significant reduction of mild depression and stress and the beneficial effects lasted for at least one year following treatment. The measures used in this experiment were the Beck Depression Inventory, the Beck Hopelessness Scale, and the Perceived Stress Scale. The 15 patients in the sham distance Reiki group who were told they would receive distance Reiki but actually did not, reported no significant change in their depression or stress.

Finally, people who regularly use Reiki often find it helps them think more clearly and improves their problem-solving capabilities. Although no research has yet been published confirming these benefits in healthy people, Crawford et al (2006) demonstrated that four 30-minute Reiki treatments, once a week, significantly improved cognition skills in 12 elderly patients with mild Alzheimer disease or mild cognitive impairment compared to the 12 patients who received no treatment. The measures used in this study were the Annotated Mini-Mental State Examination and the Revised Memory and Behavior Problems Checklist. Once again, the study did not include a sham Reiki group, and so we do not know the role that touch and personal attention played in helping the patients regain some of their cognitive skills.

Overall, although the studies are small and some of them do not address the question of Reiki versus touch, there is preliminary scientific evidence that Reiki reduces stress, pain, depression and anxiety, and can help mild Alzheimer’s patients to overcome their cognitive impairment to some degree. To find out more about these studies, and others, you can visit the CRR website, www.centerforreikiresearch.org, or read our review, The Touchstone Process. An Ongoing Critical Review of Reiki in the Scientific Literature (Baldwin et al, 2010).


Baldwin, A.L. and G.E. Schwartz. 2006. Personal interaction with a Reiki practitioner decreases noise-induced microvascular damage in an animal model. Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine 12(1):15–22.

Baldwin, A.L., C. Wagers, and G.E. Schwartz. 2008. Reiki improves heart rate homeostasis in laboratory rats. Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine 14 (4):417 – 422.

Baldwin, A.L., A. Vitale, E. Brownell, J. Scicinski, M. Kearns,. and W. Rand. 2010. The Touchstone Process. An Ongoing Critical Review of Reiki in the Scientific Literature. Holistic Nursing Practice 24(5):260 – 276.

Crawford, S. E., V.W. Leaver, and S.D. Mahoney. 2006. Using Reiki to decrease memory and behavior problems in mild cognitive impairment and mild Alzhemier’s Disease. The Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine 12(9):911 – 913.

Dressin, L.J. and S. Singg. 1998. Effects of Reiki on pain and selected affective and personality variables of chronically ill patients. Subtle Energies and Energy Medicine 9(1):53 – 82.

Friedman, R.S.C., M.M. Burg, P. Miles, F. Lee, and R. Lampert. 2010. Effects of Reiki on autonomic activity early after acute coronary syndrome. Journal of the American College of Cardiology 56:995 – 996.

Shore, A. G. 2004. Long term effects of energetic healing on symptoms of psychological depression and self-perceived stress. Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine 10(3):42 – 48.

Vitale, A.T. and P.C. O’Conner. 2006. The effect of Reiki on pain and anxiety in women with abdominal hysterectomies. Holistic Nursing Practice 20(6):263 – 272.

Wilson, L.M. and A.L. Baldwin. 1998. Effects of environmental stress on the architecture and permeability of the rat mesenteric microvasculature. Microcirculation 5(4):299–308.

Ann Linda Baldwin, PhD. Ann is a Research Professor of Physiology and Psychology at the University of Arizona and is Director of “Mind-Body-Science” (www.mind-body-science.com). She obtained her Bachelors degree in Physics from University of Bristol, UK, her Masters degree in Radiation Physics from University of London, UK and her PhD in Physiology from Imperial College, University of London. Her research focuses on the deleterious physiological effects of mental and emotional stress and how these outcomes may be minimized. She is currently exploring the efficacies of Reiki and of Biofeedback techniques in promoting sympatho-vagal balance, as indicated by analysis of heart rate variability, and thereby reducing the damaging effects of stress. She is also testing whether these techniques enhance mental, emotional and physical performance both in Parkinson’s patients and in otherwise healthy individuals.

This article appeared in the Fall 2011 issue of Reiki News Magazine.

You are a Ripple Maker, a Co-Creator, & a Miracle Producer

If each individual could experience their unique purpose and strength coming from the heart, they would finally be able to trust in their own self discovery. If they were allowed to discover this on their own through countless ways of self acceptance, we would collectively shift the world. ~Trancending Limitations (Pegasus Publishers, 2022)

It starts from within… a sensation, an experience of something that wants to transcend something within you. It wants to be released to free us from our own perceived limits and go where you have yet to experience. And how do we just allow this to happen. Why do we struggle? Why does it seem like such a long road to get to where you know is possible which may be undefinable at the time and where you know you are supposed to be. We can not explain why or how or what this is and we can only feel it within the heart ourselves.

How do we do this? We allow intuition to guide us. We allow the heart’s knowing to take us there. It may seem messy or confusing at the times and this is completely normal. We just allow it to keep shifting and transforming us into something bigger and better than ever before. A part of us that is more focused, stronger, and in alignment with our true self.

We can be affected by so many things; the web of work relationships, family members, educational institutions, religious institutions, governments, & societal structures in general.

And when we take ourselves out of the web and begin from within the unraveling of what we have been tied to (literally and figuratively) happens before our very eyes. When this begins it is sometimes a bitter and sometimes a sweet process. New awarenesses drop in and we finally begin to elevate ourselves into a new level of existence that sees all these cohorts we have been intertiwined within from an eagle’s perspective. When this happens our world shifts at a dramatic pace and we simply just need to allow the process to take us there. We are shifting into something bigger and more profound than words can express. It is a feeling, a sensation that only comes from the heart.

It may seem scary at first… because it is a whole new world completely different than anything we have ever been invested in before. And we now TRUST. We TRUST in something bigger than ourselves taking us to the unification with our authentic self. In this process we become stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally. We become the true connectors of the light frquency that is capable of absolutely anything and everything.

This is when the miracle happens and we realise just how powerful we are by simply understanding ourselves. We see the effects of our actions and we see how we can either create or destroy. And within this rebirth we have a choice to do things the way we were intended; in unification with the truth of our own being. As we shall thinketh we shall become. This ripples out into the world. Once eneough of us realise this… and see the fruits of our actions we become ever more still. Realizing that in the stillness and pure being we are able to manifest anything before us and we become incredibly CONSCIOUS of our Oneness. In this connection we CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE to create love and abundance for all because we know that through these simple actions we can collectively shift the world at an extremely fast rate creating the miraculous across the entire planet.


I invite you to experience your heartful POWER beyond words in these upcoming events this weekend and next week.

Join me and the collecitve of ripple makers that are creating heart CONSCIOUSNESS right here ad right now.

Click on pictures for sign ups:

Ch. 13 – Question Everything

In the spirit of sharing love and sharing life and as we enter into another week of shifting and shaping into our new worlds… here is something that hopes to inspire the best in all of us. Enjoy…

From My Book – Transcending Limitations- How to Start Where you are and Create Your New World – Available on Amazon Here

Children are marvelous creatures. They are innately curious, and they question everything. These are two of the most beautiful qualities to have which will remain a part of the New Earth as we continually shift over. We need to pay close attention to our children and follow their lead by their natural instincts which they embrace without fear or effort. If we could set our judgments aside and allow ourselves to observe the children to see how they play together, how they dance, how they sing, and how they innately move through life just being who they are, wherever they are, we would learn how to tune into our own joy again. Our joy lives with the children and they are Wayshowers of true faith and happiness accompanied by spirit-filled living.

Somewhere along the way, this joy became covered up. Limitation and fear set in over the years by the outside world, projecting onto us how we should talk, walk, dress, and live our lives according to our environments. Limitation kept us from our true innate internal connection that is immeasurable from anything outside in the world. Our true self is expanded and connected. Most of us have lost this and become the fear that is embedded in our world.

When we are in a state of fear, we feel contracted, insecure, alone, tight, unsure, restricted, limited, and afraid. We begin to think in statements of “I can’t do that”, “there’s no way”, “that’s impossible”, “they will never understand”, “I will never be able to make that work” and the list can go on and on. We awaken in the moment we notice this is happening. It is in the moment of noticing that we begin to question everything. In the moment ‘limitation’ arises from within is the moment when we must see what we are doing. The years of limitations that we have embraced as our own are coming to the surface and that is the moment we pause. That is when we stop everything we are doing, become aware of what is happening, and begin to awaken.

That is exactly what I had to do repeatedly as I faced a world that believed in limitations for a child with a ‘disability’. Every time we faced someone who wanted to define what Ethan could or could not do, I had to breathe into the moment, become aware of all the sensations that were happening within me, decide how I wanted it defined, and transform the energy into what I believed was possible. Over time, I trained myself to shift the energy patterns that were constantly being presented to us that were based on limitation and heartfully turn them into expanded states of awareness that joyfully responded with questioning that asked, “how can we turn this around and do this differently?” This metamorphosis took a deceivingly limited and confined situation and expanded into limitless potential based on what we heartfully desired for Ethan instead of what the world wanted for him. We became the masters of our reality.

In the moment negative thoughts or beliefs arise, and the limitation has appeared, we turn it around. Every limitation is answered with a ‘why not’ and every negative thought or belief is answered with a ‘canceling’ of that thought. We feel the negativity, we are aware that it is happening, and in that awareness, we shift into a new state of awareness without the limitation, simply by questioning ‘why not?’ We feel them, we name them, and then we allow them to go. Simply, it is allowing ourselves to feel the limitations of our mind, understand they are illusions of the past, accept they have been there for a  long time hiding  in the shadows, and we commit to questioning everything surrounding the limitation.

For example, Ethan, being diagnosed with a medical condition, has been told repeatedly there are certain things he will never be able to do mentally and physically in this current paradigm. With each limiting belief we peeled back the layers in this realm, decided we had a choice to question the current reality showing up and choose to accept what was happening or find another way.

At first, we had some very difficult life-threatening choices to make. We were told that if certain procedures were not done to save his life he would die. So, as parents in fear and wanting our child to survive we put our faith in the hands of the doctors, and he indeed did survive. Grateful as we were in the skills of the professionals, what we failed to see at the time is as we continually only trusted in the doctors, we failed to trust within ourselves. We gave up ourselves, though allowing a predicted outcome to prevail. Naturally, everything they determined would happen based on medical science, did. When he was born, his life was based on survival. We did the things we were told that needed to be done to survive. This was necessary, and it saved his life.  

On the other hand, we were still limited by our own beliefs. You see, if Ethan did not come into this life with the condition that he did, he would have had a completely different birth and a completely different purpose. But he came in with this diagnosis on purpose. It was his purpose to do this, to be this so that we could see that there is always another way. His life has been a product of questioning everything. When they said he would not walk, we asked, “Why not?” We were told exactly ‘why not’ by doctors and other professionals, and we had a choice to make. Believe in the limitation or find another way. We found the other way.

When we were told he needed surgeries to correct and take care of limitations he would always have with his bowels and bladder and kidneys, we asked, “Why?” and they told us ‘why’, all the limitations of ‘why’. I asked the universe, “Why not?” and I was shown because it was what you believe. So, I questioned the belief and chose another way. Never having bowel, bladder, or kidney issues. Ever.

Finally, his shunt, (an instrument surgically implanted in a child to help pump cerebral spinal fluid throughout the body) we were told this would need multiple revisions his entire life and to expect multiple surgeries every year, not to mention a host of other issues related to cognitive functioning. So, what happened? You guessed it… We found another way. Ethan became an anomaly and the kid that was the ‘healthiest’ kid they had ever seen. It didn’t require magic or miraculous prayers reserved for the worthy few. What it took was the courage to question everything along with belief in the miraculous. We were convinced there had to be a better way. We were convinced we could not live our life like a textbook, and we had to do something else. We were convinced we would not become another statistic. We needed another way; their rules were too limiting, too unnatural, too constricting, and too separating from inspired living. The only way that felt better, sensed better, created a more fun and joyful way for us, for Ethan, for our life, was to question “WHY NOT?” and then find another way.

When you question everything, you question the very fabric within you, your family, your lineage, and your ancestors. You question all the thoughts and beliefs within your life that have ever made up your life, and when you do that, it forces you to go within. When you go within, you get to know what you genuinely believe and if you don’t like what you see you get to change it. Every perceived problem has an answer and in this reality, the problem no longer exists because we know that once we see the limitation, the answer already appears. It is that fast, so fast that soon the problems become nonexistent. Or if the ‘problem’ does persist we see it as an opportunity to find another way. When it happens enough, and we see the results of our paying attention we are taken to an entirely new level of understanding and then that new level becomes our floor of existence. It is here that we begin again.

Questioning everything begins with curiosity. It begins with a knowing that this can’t be right because I trust when it does not feel right. It is calling me to notice something is not lining up within myself. Once that happens, you begin opening doors to new ways of thinking which opens doors to new ways of being, which opens doors for all possibilities to drop in.

When you are aware of your own limitations, you have the power to free yourself from the limitation itself. It is here that you realize nothing is holding you back from anything. It was only there to help you see the truth. You are to move higher and higher and continually release boundaries for yourself by questioning everything. As you do this first for yourself it will naturally ripple out and extend to others around you.  They will sense the shift and eventually be inspired to go above and beyond their own perceived ceilings to lift themselves to a new level where their ceiling is now their floor.

You are to keep going, raising yourself higher and higher so that eventually, ceilings don’t exist, and your limitless existence is all there is. That is what childlike questioning allows us to do. It asks, “Why not?” to everything with a curious, joyful, limitless expression that is open to all possibility. This is the true gift of a child. The purpose of a child is to help the adult see what they once believed for themselves.

Lesson 13 — Question Everything

There are no floors, there are no ceilings.

Question everything.

Perceptions can create limitations until we open to our true understanding of whom and what we can become.

We are limitless, childlike, beings, capable of anything.

Show up as Your Truth

When Ethan was born I was stretched into a world that did not exist at the time. It was a world that I had to create. A world of miracles, synchronicities, strength, and an internal knowing that healing is possible. That miracles are the truth and nothing can hold you back from realizing your true purpose and what you came here to become.

23 years ago I began as part of an entourage. An entourage serving the LIGHT. I didnt realize it at the time, there was a group of wayshowers beginning the long journey ahead that you are now reaping the rewards. We were spread across the world, made to begin the long journey, believing we were alone. What we didn’t know is that as we grew stronger in the light, little by little, deeper and deeper in the truth we would one day grow stronger and unite with each other and the world. We are the wayshowers of the light. We lead, guide, and direct people into their loving fearlessness. Where there is will, where there is light, however small it may be, we will find a way to shine.

The book I wrote about my journey through Ethan’s healing, is just a small snap shot of what needed to happen to change the way I viewed the world and what was possible, leading us to the miraculous. I will never stop believing in the purpose. To inspire you to find your own way. We have gifts. Everyone has a contribution to make in this tapestry of golden grid we are making of this world and this universe. If you find it in your hands and can make the words your own… apply them to your own life and watch how your world will unfold into the miraculous like it has for mine and our family. (Book available for purchase here. )

Reiki was always a part of this journey, it’s what led me to believe in the healing power of love. And for that… I am proud to say that new offerings and trainings are just around the corner. Join me at one of these events.

New class at BCY… Reiki + Meditation

Combining Light Body Meditations with the shower of high vibrational loving Reiki energy to attune to higher states of consciousness. Join us!

And if you are looking to unite with Women of Light and connect to the Ancestors of Light through the masters, sages, angels, and priesetesses all around you… join me at this home event at my studio on Winwood. You will not be disapointed.

And of course… come receive a 1:1 session to shift your body and mind out of pain and suffering on any level and into pure energy in motion bliss with the strength capable of rising above all perceived issues. I truly believe.

Lastly, kundalini every Tuesday and Thursday… it teaches you how to ascend and become one with your own light. Truly an amazing practice and a village of tribal support every week.

The gift of sensation takes us to the other side…

We tend to look at our lives through a lens of emotional energy that creates overwhelm and a sense of seperation. This can sometimes further lead to an energy of ‘shut down’ and an unwillingness to become related to the truth of what we really feel. We ‘cut our selves’ off from feelings and sensations because we decide it will hurt too much to ‘go there’. We also tend to do this because if we ‘open ourselves’ back up we may hurt or the fear of pain may be so great we desperately feel we will never make it. We may even have a fear so deep we feel as if we could actually die. This may seem extreme and it often feels this extreme for many of us.

This is an aspect of trauma. It can be a specific event of trauma that happened many years ago, let’s say when we were a child, or it can be trauma that has built up over time from one disappointment to the next. These traumas can be the root cause as to why we make unconscious life choices. These life choices end up leading us down a path that may or may not be a part of our highest potential. We may keep subconsciously going on this path thinking we are doing what needs to be done just to get to where we think we may want to be only to realise when we get there that it is not what we really wanted. Yet still, we keep trying and keep finding the way we always did things before just doesn’t work anymore. No matter how many times we try and no matter what we do it just feels as though we are spinning our wheels.

Most of the time, this is because we are trying to solve the problem with the mind that created the problem in the first place. This just doesnt work.

Meaning, we have been conditioned to believe we can solve our lives like we solve an equation. If I keep doing things in the way it has always been done then it will eventually change. And it just doesn’t. No matter how many times we try and no matter how many ways we apporach this situation we get nothing accomplished. Repeatedly, we find ourselves in the same issues with the same people and our ‘play’ we have created. It simply no longer works because we are trying to solve something with the mind that thinks we have to figure it out.

We can keep approaching these situations in the way we have always done and we can keep coming up frustrated. Until we decide to do things differently. Except it is not that easy to decide with the mind when we are trapped in lower emotional patterns. Many of us either blame ourselves or the outside world for our problems. This is the very reason why we remain trapped and unable to move foward. It’s one of the many reasons why we don’t reach our goals or never seem to ascend to the next level in our lives.

We are not meant to stay where we are and nor are we supposed to keep spinning our wheels. We are meant to shift, grow, sense, shed, and become more. It’s a cycle of birth, living, death and rebirth that is supposed to help us keep going, moving higher and higher into stages of elevation that can be blissful and effortless if we allow it to be.

Unfortunately, many of us become stuck in the overwhelm feeling defeated and not good enough thinking and believing we have failed. When in actuality we only need to move to the other side through sensation. What we think is a problem remains a problem because our minds created a problem based off of stored lower emotions forgetting to tune back into our hearts to sense and feel what is truly happening.

When we open up to sensing and feeling and allow the body to speak we finally bubble up the stored fears and lower emotions unconsciously navigating our life. Our stored lower emotional energy was keeping us in a perpetual motion of loop experiences keeping us where we are. Recreating the same experiences until we finally allow the gift through sensation to break us through to the other side.

When we stop, sense, and feel into a moment we finally allow this congestion to move and transform and finally release. What we were doing with the mind wasn’t working because it was stored energy fragmenting our lives and creating chaos. We just need to clean it up by being in the experience, breathing into it, and allowing the stored energy pattern to dissolve. Thus we can then move into new expereinces unlike anything we have ever experienced. Every times we move these lower emotional patterns and shift the energy within ourselves and all aound us we re-position our lives, opening up to more possibility. In the moment we allow this, we become the opportunity and new awarenesses drop in.

There is no need to remain trapped in the stories and dramas of life and our life frees to a new level of expereineces unlike anything we could ever imagine with our minds.

This is the beauty of the heart consicousness that allows us to break free from lower emotions and move us to the other side into elation.

As we go through our next portal in our lives, through the fall equinox allow this perspective to be your new framework navigating your life. Here are some ways to cultivate and enhance this aspect.

Services to take you to the other side:

The Fall Equinox – A time of the Cosmic Mother & Our Divine Truth

On Friday, September 22nd into Saturday, September 23rd we mark the transition from the longest day of the year into the gradual progression towards the shortest day of the year. The fall equinox is upon us. The significance of this moment… at precisely 1:50am central time on Saturday the 23rd we are presented with equal day hours and equal night time hours across the globe as the sun crosses the earth’s equator from north to south. It is a point in our global community where we can bring in global balance. During this time there is an opportunity to shift our own consciousness and spiritually merge into our own personal truth. Meaning, our previous goals and aspirations are now harvested and we are preparing to be taken to the next level of our alignment, whatever we may determine that to be.

It is an opportunity to recognize our accomplishments and remain in sincere gratitude for the help of the universe bringing us closer to our desires. It is a time to pause, give thanks, and begin to contemplate our next cycle of celestial rebirthing. We celebrate our prosperity as we begin to nourish the next cycle of development beginning to unfold before us. As we begin the descent into the darker months we honor and internally nurture the next phase of our goals by continuing to refine and strengthen our talents. It is truly a sacred time.

This is the significance of merging with the Cosmic Mother and the opportunities before us calling us to unite with our Divine Sovereign Truth.

As we acknowledge and harvest we also begin directing our intentions. We refine and enhance our personal alchemical process.

The darker months unite us with the cosmic mother, the womb of creation. We enter into the next phase of comfort and reassurance as we reaffirm we are on the right path. Summer moved us into a grander vision as we spread our wings and either learned to fly or elevated our skills into acrobatic miraculous measures. We have gained an undeniable understanding of who we are and what we desire to bring forth during this next phase of internal growth and nourishment.

We realize we are capable of extending ourselves further than ever before and we desire to continue to diligently work on the next phase of our expressions of truth. We faithfully begin to enter into the rebirthing womb of the cosmic mother. We intend to cultivate our desires by allowing time to refine creative projects and develop new aspirations as we merge closer to our soul’s purpose and spirit’s joy. We set our heart’s intentions forward on the next 6 months knowing that as we envision our future in this NOW moment, all will come into fruition as we prepare our rebirthing in the Spring – the emergence of the Cosmic Father.

This is truly a time of refined learning, more tuning within, and deeper understanding of our truth.

We ready ourselves for the next journey by honoring where we are and envisioning what else will come. We walk side by side with our highest potential and holding sacred our divine sovereign soul’s purpose and spirit’s joy.

A sacred time indeed.

In honor of this time…. i invite you to a sacred ceremony.


This is a two hour evening dedicated to honoring the divinity within through sacred ceremony and activation meditations.

The unified chakras, light body consciousness, and active manifestation processes will be some of the evening content.

It is my goal to honor how far you have come and help you learn how to activate and enhance the next 6 months of the sacred time of darkness as we enter upon the womb of the cosmic mother. An inspiring opportunity to move consciously into the next 6 months of our highest potential.

Join me as we step into this next divine phase.

Then if it feels right and good for you… I encourage you to continue to…



The Sandwich Connection – Rebirth your life in 6 weeks and actively manifest for the next 6 months.

The Sandwich Connection will begin on September 25th marking the next 6 month process with 6 weeks of coaching & learning how to incorporate ritual and divine sovereign techniques into your day while enhancing the highest potential possible and infusing spiritual concepts. This course defines your goals for the next 6 months and accelerates your manifestation process by zoning in on your soul’s purpose and spirit’s joy in 6 main areas of life; Career/Purpose, family, relationships, health, spirit, and prosperity. Thereby enhancing your ability to manifest your exact goals and desires for this next 6 months of the rebirthing process.

Take advantage of this sacred time of year and learn how to allow the sacred course of the cycles of the universe can help you elevate and enhance your time here on Earth. Click on the links today to sign up for your spot. More website information here.

The Cosmic Mother Friday, September 22th – IN PERSON

The Sandwich Connection – 6 week course beginning Monday, September 25th – REMOTE

Reiki & the Miraculous

Reiki is universal life force energy beginning to be understood by the general public. I like to think of reiki as a direct connection to Consiousness with a capital ‘C’. It is universal life force energy that has the capacity to upgrade our energy to greater versions of ourselves that can be tuned into and tapped into miracles. I discovered this about 20 years ago and it keeps me humbled today.

I wrote about “Why I do Reiki” in a recent blog where I briefly spoke about many of the reasons I find Reiki an asset to almost any practice. It is NOT an alternative therapy and it IS complimentary to many of the day to day activities we already engage. Reiki has been a part of me for so long that it just is in everything I do. From therapy related roles, to being a parent, cleaning my own house, to consulting with businesses, to workshops, and life changing programs I offer on a regular basis. It is infused in everything.

I am attaching an article on the scientific ‘normalcy’ of Reiki and how it is studied and proven to shift energy which creates a more neutral / zero point balance within people, places, and things allowing for healing and accelerated shifts in consciousness (little ‘c’ on purpose) to higher more connected states of awareness and a return back to Consciousness itself (capital ‘C’ on purpose). Understand? (wink, wink)

I also want to invite you to learn Reiki with me. I’m teaching at Black Cat Yoga in Libertyville, IL this coming Friday thru Sunday and again in October (links here). AND I am extending this really great possibility IF you would like to learn but scheduling and distance is a problem… we can learn REIKI REMOTELY!

Because energy has no bounds and I perform services online all the time with energy clearing and reiki sessions the possibility of learning reiki and feeling and personally embodying the energy IS absolutely what we CAN do.

As for now… please enjoy this brief and thorough article on The Science Behind Reiki.



It’s Only Change…

14 hours of reflection on my drive back from Colorado.

I just returned from a long drive out to Denver, Colorado. It’s about 14 hours. Coming from Illinois it is very serene, beautiful, and eloquently elongated ride through the countryside of Iowa, Nebraska, & Colorado. There is something I love about hoping in a car and going for a ride across country. Driving just brings a serenity and state of mind that allows for clean thinking and being along the routes of the beautiful country we live upon. I’ve driven up the coast from Arizona to California, driven across from Arizona, thru New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, to Illinois. I’ve driven down through Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, and Florida. Across the country again through Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York State, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and New York City. I’ve gone through Virginia, North Carolina, & South Carolina.

With all of these trips there is always one connecting thread, ‘wherever we go and whatever we do, there we are.’ We see what we want to see in every moment. We see with the eyes that come from the perceptions of our inner truth. It doesn’t matter where I go or what I do I always see in others a reflection of what is truly within myself. Everyone is a reflection of a facet of a diamond with which we all contain. Truly we are all facets of the same diamond reflecting upon one another an aspect of ourselves.

This one recent trip out to Colorado was a significant turning point in our family. My middle son made his final transition over to college. It has taken him several extra years as a high school graduate of 2021. Well worth the wait, he entered upon a new chapter in his life. For this, as a parent it comes with mixed emotions. Relieved, he has finally come into his own grounded stated of awareness that took the time to reflect what was truly important to him and what he wanted to do with these next years of his life. Sorrowful, I don’t get to see him everyday and look into his love filled eyes of purity that shine upon you when he connects. Delighted, he is becoming a self empowered man and gaining skills and confidence daily. Joyful, this new beginning is happening for us all.

After the long awaited anticipation of this time was finally here and after we spent the past week unloading his new life it finally came upon me the time to reflect on my solo 14 hour drive back from Colorado. I savored this time with myself. Allowing to work through every emotional wave of instability, doubt, and fear that would surface as I contemplated all the memories of our past 20 years together. I felt hollows and depths within my heart that I was never aware of until this long drive. Not trying to figure it out and allowing the memories, the regrets, the excitements, the wins and the losses of his life in our family come to surface. I have my version and he of course, he has his. As I completely let go and allow for the new relationship that will be forming between our family to unfold I look back at all the events in our life containing Aiden with complete honor. I am honored to be his mother and friend. Honored that he allowed me to enter into one facet of his life for such a short time. I hold new hopes of a new life that will be filled with more diamond moments of Aiden and all the love that he offered in this stage of his life. I look forward to more and how our family dynamic continues to evolve and transition over to new possibilities for us all. A beautiful dance we get to do where we think we know the next steps and then have to just go with the flow of the music.

From this day and every day, I will allow for new versions of all of us to come forward. Once someone shifts to a new level in our life everyone gets to try out other versions of themselves. For this, I am thankful. Now we get to see what else is just around the corner.

Sometimes change can be difficult and sometimes change comes with great relief and sometimes change is exactly what we needed but didn’t know we needed it until we find ourselves in the change itself. The thing is, we wake up new everyday. We are never the same as we were yesterday, nor shall we ever be. The only thing that stays the same is the idea that there is always change. And that is good.

In Kundalini yoga, there is a mantra, “Sa Ta Na Ma”. It’s about change. How we go through the seasons of life through all the seasons of change and living fully in every way possible. It is a mantra of reflection, allowing, and cycles. When it is repeated for 11 minutes it begins to allow ourselves to sink deeply into change with the new heart felt understanding that with love and living change will always be there and embracing this constant is the way though many perceived obstacles in our lives. It has been said, to be the change you would like to see in another. For me, I like to see people evolve and become more versions of themselves through simple change by breathing into life and allowing what speaks in our heart to live through our day to day actions. I believe in love and how the love of life always changes us for good. When we allow we evolve and shift into something brighter as we stay present, listen, and let go.

And much like the new season of fall that is upon us, as we witness the leaves drift to the ground, we get to welcome more changes and more seasons taking us further along on our journey we get to call “life”. My highest hope is that you welcome change, allow it to unfold, and that it comes effortlessly into existence through drifting peace that is all around us.

And if it ever seems to be a struggle, I pray you take the time to be still and know “it’s only change” the forever constant we will always have within our hearts. I pray you will reach into the stillness of your heart and allow for your dance to flow through you taking you to the next steps of your life.

Here are some offerings in the upcoming weeks:

Sunday, 9/10
Reiki Share for Practitioners, Friends & Family Experience an ancient healing modality with practitioners who are collaborating to learn and elevate their skills. Meditation, reiki requests, and practice will fill the evening. Sign up in advance here
6pm-8pmLake Forest
Friday, 9/15 & Sat. 9/16
September 2023
Reiki 1 Certification at Black Cat Yoga Reiki is for parents, teachers, business professionals, health professionals and anyone looking to bring clarity, vision, balance, and focus into their career, family, relationships, health, & spirit. Reiki helps to create abundant health and clarity in all areas of life. Learn how. Sign up here and more information
Friday 6-9:15pm Saturday 1-4:15pmBlack Cat Yoga Libertyville
Sunday, 9/17
Reiki 2 Certification at Black Cat Yoga You must be level 1 certified. Learn how to bring in the next level of energy to help elevate your practice, create harmony, strengthen your connection with your higher self, and elevate your ability to synchronize and enhance your life. You are attuned to the next three symbols and we practice using them in all areas of life from personal to professional. These symbols will elevate your practice. Synchronicities and balanced life living in harmony with your life goals and desires is a side effect! Sign up in advance
Sunday 9am – 1:15pm Back Cat Yoga
Friday, 9/22
Goddess Workshop – The Cosmic Mother & Our Divine Truth Return to your internal truth. The divinity residing within you. Be activated to fully ground your powerful gifts into the new earth frequency filled with light and strong powerful divine mother love. Fully embrace and become the 144 qualities of divine love. Immerse in transformational energy through light body activations. More information here
Friday 6:30-8:30pmWinwood Retreats, Lake Forest
Mondays beginning September 25th 6-8pm
September thru October2023
Sandwich Connection – Surround yourself with purpose and joy – ONLINE This 6 week program will bring purpose and joy back into your life through community. We will find your soul’s purpose and spirit’s joy reconnecting you to a life worth living. Our connection with spirit through a ritual filled life creates miracles when we pair this connection with a desire to manifest what we truly want in 6 areas of our life: family, relationships, career/purpose, prosperity, health and spirit. When we are aligned, life is effortless and miracles manifest at accelerated heights. First we must tune in and tap into spirit and then the rest is history. We support each other, we manifest for each other, and we create dreams for each other in this supportive and life changing group. More information here
Monday evenings 7:00pm – 9:00pmOnline
Friday September 29th 6:30-8pm
September 2023
Ancestral Clearing CircleHave you ever wondered what kind of impact the energy of our ancestors and lineage has on our current reality? Why do certain physical and emotional issues keep reoccurring in life? What can we do about these things and how can we possibly shift our current reality to line up with a completely different outcome more in line with our purpose + joy? Come ready to shift your energy and vibrationally attune to your more authentic self through energy clearings and meditations. Sign up online here
Friday 6:30pm – 8:00pm
Trillium Yoga Grayslake

Why do I do Reiki?

Why should you?

Hey there… I was hoping I could share a little bit about Reiki and why I do it ALL THE TIME! About 22 years ago, I had a significant event happen in my life. My first born child was born with a severe congenital disability. We found out the night before he was born. Through his birth and the trauma of the entire event I spiraled into a state of depression and at the same time a relentless inquiry into ‘why?’ The question remained… “why did this happen? “Why me?” and “how is this ever going to get any better?” I searched and searched for answers at first and always feeling like I was coming up short. The entire medical establishment wanted to tell me why from their medical view point and even then… they couldn’t. With all the research out there, their is still no clear answer as to why something like this happens. Which left me to ponder, endlessly… if ‘why’ or ‘how’ could not be answered then what could I do to make the most from what I had been given become the quest of life. Thus spawned a new direction in my life… I talk about the endless miracles that happened and the resulting uplifting from healing my own past and how to permanently change thoughts in my book, “Transcending Limitations; How to start where you are and create your new world” (Pegasus, 2022) … AND one of the KEY things I did during that time is learn how to perform REIKI!

What did learning reiki do for me? Well, lets just say… what did it not do. It did everything for me. It helped to heal my family and bring my disabled son from a statistic to a medical miracle anomaly. It is the reason why I teach today and share reiki with as many people as possible along with all my classes and sessions. Energy is my life, healing is my life, and it is my life story.

So to keep this concise… I first used reiki to help my son heal and become a medical miracle never needing the endless surgeries or medications that doctors told us would happen. Instead, through gaining strength, stamina, faith and reiki fortitude in the energy realm he became a sport guru and an incredibly successful young man. We also used reiki to help our family heal from all sorts of unknown causes and issues in our lives. We used it to decrease stress, increase synchronicities, and repeatedly heal, heal, and heal with every life change and and turning point. As humans we go through large changes about every 7 years. We are designed to transform and shift into higher states of awareness. I encourage you to look back at your life and look back at the significant things that happened every 7 years years… (or around that time) you may see a pattern. I used reiki to help deal with all of these things.

Some more interesting ways to use reiki…

Did you know, reiki has symbols and energy associated with them to help clear a room of stale or lower energies? I know many teachers who use it to keep the classrooms feeling fresh and clean from all the coming and going of the students and everything they bring into a classroom. Moms and dads use it to cleanse and clear thought patterns in a house or patterns of turmoil or stress that keep showing up. Businesses use reiki to increase prosperity, cohesiveness, and goals within the business goals and aspirations. Yoga teachers use it to help tune into their clients and the needs of the entire class as well as help to remove toxic energy in the room as people shift and release during classes. Therapists use it to help send energy and teach their clients how to shift energy before, during, and after sessions to decrease stress and increase coping mechanisms. Doctors and nurses use it in hospitals to help increase satisfaction of patients and increase positive outcomes of major and minor surgeries, therapies, and overall happiness. When our clients and patients are happy we are all happier. It’s a win/win situation!

The amount of uses for reiki is endless. And the satisfaction that it brings every time I hear from one of my clients, “This stuff actually works!” just makes me smile in delight! It is such a pleasure to have people tell me day in and day out how they use reiki to help them live life effortlessly for themselves and everyone around them. I just get so excited when I hear people say, “thank you” as they make all the connections on how to use reiki in a way that best suites their needs.

Because of this I offer reiki classes and sessions very often…. please consider either attending a session for yourself or learning this sacred art that has been around for centuries… here is a great article about reiki and also here are some future classes.

Please consider attending this Friday and Saturday to my ONLINE class! Yes, you can learn and use reiki from your home ANYWHERE! Contact me today… I have room! I would love for you to join and I would be the LUCKY one if you decided to do this.

Thank you for reading and honoring me with your time.

All love and blessings,

Jennifer (Joti Tajdeep Kaur) Lauren

Reiki + Meditation on Sunday August 27th in Black Cat Yoga

Click the photos above for connections to reiki training and meditations


Sometimes, there is nothing left to do.

We feel it, we sense it, it is undeniable.

With all our heart.

And yet…

Obligations, pressures, responsibilities… keep us pressing foward.

One day… after we have been around the same corner… time and time again… we decide… it just doesn’t matter anymore. 

What drove us to do it the way we did it before…


What inspired us to believe the way we did before…


What created the life around us in the past…

              Moves on

And everything changes.

It just goes away.

All thoughts,

All fears,

All worries,

Linger in an abyss.

They will always be there…

Until eventually, we find the hold they had on us before…

Just no longer exists.

The darkness is no longer fearful.

It becomes instead…

A sacred womb.

A tomb of safety.

A confinement sought after.

A stillness much desired.

We find…

In the darkness… is where we find ourselves again. 

It’s where we were always hiding, waiting to come home. 

A place of process.



A becoming.

All pain and grief are released. 

Making room for new forms to be created. 

Only within the womb of the mother.

Remain in the darkness.  Not to be feared and only cherished and desired. 

Through darkness… we become.

In the past our directions were navigated by the winds out there. 

Blowing us around… making us feel inadequate and insecure. 

We reacted to the world around us. 

Until one day, we finally realized.

The stillness is where we dig deep into our grounding. 

The darkness is where we allow the roots to take hold. 

We hold onto something bigger than us.  Something that surrounds us eternally.  Something that has always been there. 

The light we could never see. 

Come back home.

Spend time in the womb.

Be in the darkness.

The stillness of the heart.

No need to achieve, or become, or have, or do. 

You are a wild thing. 

Meant to grow and prosper right here.    

The darkness.  The depths.  The seeds.  The roots that grow deep.  Becoming stronger.  Effortlessly growing into the desires of the heart. 

In the stillness of the dark is the return.

Come back home.    


Where there is stillness, we see again.  Where there is nothingness, we sense again.  For there we are, and everywhere we shall be.

Through the eyes of a child, there is hope.

The laughter of a sparrow, there is presence. 

The callings of a crow, there is knowing. 

Be still and know, there is always more.

It will always be there. 

July 10 & 24
IntuitLove Energy Circle Become your heart desires by allowing your energetic vibration to match your manifestations. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/669968914057
6:30pm to 7:45pmZoom
Session Packages for July
3 sessions purchased in advanced for $80 each Do something special for yourself and your family… purchase 1 hour intuitive energy healing sessions. 3 sessions at $80 each for $240. Normally $125 each.
Includes reiki, craniosacral therapy, crystal sound, and any combination of my 22 years of experience. Online or in-person.
CONTACT ME 224-500-7797
July ONLYIn-Person Lake Forest or On-Line Zoom
Reiki & Healing Energy
July 30th
In Person POP-UP Reiki + Meditation (upstairs) Description
Experience the high vibration and meditative benefits of Reiki. In this 75-minute class we will discuss and experience the benefits of reiki energy and how it can help to alleviate all types of stress and anxiety as well as enhance one’s daily self-care, yoga, & meditative practice for individuals and families. https://www.blackcatyogastudio.com/schedule

Sunday July 30th 6:00-7:15pmBlack Cat Yoga Libertyville